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Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society. v.11

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society. v. 11
It is believed by some individuals that sharing data for scientific research, business and academia should be encouraged. Others, however, think that some extremely vital intelligence ought not to be shared freely. Although the free distribution of data would enhance academic excellence, I think that the free dissemination of information can lead to national security. Free distribution of information would enhance academic excellence. Individuals would be able to access data for their schoolwork or assignments to improve their success rate. In my university days, I utilized free materials in writing my project thesis because it was freely accessible on the Internet and it made my work faster and easier to write. So, if data is available for use by all and sundry freely and at when needed, it would add to the overall success of the people that could not have been able to afford it otherwise. I disagree with this view. On the contrary, I believe free dissemination of data can lead to a national security breach. Sensitive intelligence if found in the wrong hands can be used for destructive purposes. Some people can use these materials to threaten and disable a country's economy. Take for instance, the ingredients for making bombs if easily accessible, a nation can be at risk because anyone can produce it and utilize it to cause havoc. Therefore, data should not be freely distributed to prevent security unrest in a nation. In conclusion, despite the fact that the sharing of information without hindrance will increase educational excellence, I believe that delicate data should not be shared as it will impede the safety of the country and its citizens.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
for scientific research, business and academia should
be encouraged
. Others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extremely
vital intelligence ought not to
be shared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
would enhance academic excellence, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
dissemination of information can lead to national security.

Free distribution of information would enhance academic excellence. Individuals would be able to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
for their schoolwork or assignments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their success rate. In my university days, I utilized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
materials in writing my project thesis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
accessible on the Internet and it made my work faster and easier to write.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is available for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
by all and sundry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
and at when needed, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the
overall
success of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that could not have been able to afford it
otherwise
. I disagree with this view.

On the contrary
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
dissemination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
can lead to a national security breach. Sensitive intelligence if found in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for destructive purposes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these materials to threaten and disable a country's economy. Take
for instance
, the ingredients for making bombs if
easily
accessible, a nation can be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
anyone can produce it and utilize it to cause havoc.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freely
distributed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
security unrest in a nation.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that the sharing of information without hindrance will increase educational excellence, I believe that delicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
should not
be shared
as it will impede the safety of the country and its citizens.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people spend less and less time at home. What are the causes of this? What are the effects of this on individuals and on society. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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