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What do you suggest your school to open game room, study room or cafe in library? Give details and examples to support your answer. v.1

What do you suggest your school to open game room, study room or cafe in library? Give details and examples to support your answer. v. 1
In the current technological advanced generation, people interacting and chatting with their new pals through several online mediums. Part of the society members feel like it's good, but the other group of citizens, says face-face meetings are a must. I agree with the opinion that meeting new people online would help to build relationships and networking is faster and better. This essay would discuss both the views and concludes with the proper opinion. In the first place, meeting new people is very much easy through several kinds of internet-based mediums available on a worldwide web network. For instance, social media channels like Facebook, Instagram & Twitter are providing an open platform to the users to join their networks without any hassles. Also, the mediums are proactively helping with suggestions to invite strange users whose profiles based on interests are matched. With this opportunity in hand, one can filter people that suits with their profile and can start interacting. Moreover, at any point in time, we have the option of blocking the user if things are not going as expected. In the second place, in-person interaction with people to make friends has its own advantages as it leverages each individual to take their relationship to the next level to share things in person. For instance, conversations happening in person seem to be more realistic to understand the body language, facial expressions of others to behave accordingly. In conclusion, internet mediums are the platforms to make friends in a lesser span of time. However, in-person meetings are like catalysts to improve the bond between people to make the relationship much stronger.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technological advanced generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interacting and chatting with their new pals through several online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mediums
. Part of the society members feel like it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the other group of citizens, says face-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
online would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build relationships and networking is faster and better. This essay would discuss both the views and concludes with the proper opinion.

In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much easy through several kinds of internet-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mediums
available on a worldwide web network.
For instance
, social media channels like Facebook, Instagram & Twitter are providing an open platform to the users to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
their networks without any hassles.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mediums
are
proactively
helping with suggestions to invite strange users whose profiles based on interests
are matched
. With this opportunity in hand, one can filter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that suits with their profile and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
interacting.
Moreover
, at any point in time, we have the option of blocking the user if things are not going as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

In the second place, in-person interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages as it leverages each individual to take their relationship to the
next
level to share things in person.
For instance
, conversations happening in person seem to be more realistic to understand the body language, facial expressions of others to behave
accordingly
.

In conclusion
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mediums
are the platforms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends in a lesser span of time.
However
, in-person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
are like catalysts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the relationship much stronger.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay What do you suggest your school to open game room, study room or cafe in library? Give details and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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