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Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government of the country to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its people, while others believe that individuals should be free to make decisions for their lifestyles. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government of the country to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its people, while others believe that individuals should be free to make decisions for their lifestyles. v. 2
Some people argued that ensuring a healthy lifestyle for its people, which is the responsibility of the governmental offices. While others supposed that it is better for people if they are free to choose their lifestyles. My essay will discuss these views and then I will elaborate on my opinion. In fact, the role of a competent and responsible authority is to secure the well-being of its people. This is because there are some ways in order for the government to encourage people to live healthily. For example, the government should spend more money on facilitating equipment at public parks, as well as organizing campaigns about the significance and benefit of playing sports, outdoor activities. As a result, people raise awareness about taking exercise every day. However, I suppose that the government has not the further role to play. Because there are different statuses of the health of individuals as well as their own habits. Therefore, It is fairly hard for the Government to always ensure healthy lifestyles for all residents. Individuals play the most essential role in their healthy lifestyles because they have the right to choose ways they want to live a lifestyle healthy. In fact, most people are able to understand deeply their health condition and be conscious of the role of staying healthy. Hence people’s duty is figuring out the appropriate methods to become strongly healthy. For example, a person with a heart-related disease, he cannot take exercises or play sports which require highly demanding, because that can lead to detrimental impacts on his health. Instead, he might choose a balanced diet such as eating more vegetables and fruits, followed by improving significantly his physical. In conclusion, the government plays a crucial role in orientating people living healthily. But, in my opinion, people are likely to shape their lifestyles through some methods like take exercise every day and choose a healthy diet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that ensuring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which is the responsibility of the governmental offices. While others supposed that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they are free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. My essay will discuss these views and then I will elaborate on my opinion.

In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a competent and responsible authority is to secure the well-being of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways in order for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more money on facilitating equipment at public parks,
as well
as organizing campaigns about the significance and benefit of playing sports, outdoor activities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
raise awareness about taking exercise every day.
However
, I suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has not the
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
statuses of the health of individuals
as well
as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
habits.
Therefore
, It is
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
to always ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
for all residents.

Individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
the most essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
ways they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
. In fact, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to understand
deeply
their health condition and be conscious of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
duty is figuring out the appropriate methods to become
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
For example
, a person with a heart-related disease, he cannot take exercises or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
sports which require
highly
demanding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that can lead to detrimental impacts on his health.
Instead
, he might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a balanced diet such as eating more vegetables and fruits, followed by improving
significantly
his physical.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in orientating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
healthily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to shape their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods like take exercise every day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government of the country to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its people, while others believe that individuals should be free to make decisions for their lifestyles. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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