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Money should be spent on creating new public buildings, such as museums and town halls, rather than renovating existing ones. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

Money should be spent on creating new public buildings, such as museums and town halls, rather than renovating existing ones. v. 2
A number of people think that the government spend money to construct new public buildings like museums and town halls instead of the restoration of the existing buildings. I completely disagree with this view, and I believe that building new buildings would be a waste of money as well as the loss of the value of cultural of old buildings. First of all, it can be thought that creating new cultural buildings is a modern understanding. However, the idea requires a large sum of money while the existing buildings are functioning properly. For example, building modern facilities is costlier than renovating the present buildings. Moreover, the money spent in the construction of modern facilities can be used for other improvements such as improving sports facilities or poor transport system. Therefore, the national budget is just a waste of money. Secondly, old buildings, which have a rich history, have become a part of the culture, and many tourists prefer to visit these buildings over modern ones in order to experience a sense of history and past. An effective restoration policy would boost the tourism industry as well as renovating them. To illustrate, if the government restores these architectures, the number of visitors can increase in the long run. Furthermore, the likelihood of this trend can contribute the national budget to increase. Thus, it would be a justified idea that there is a strong relationship between the restoration policy and the development of the tourism industry. In conclusion, a handful of people believe that the government invest money in creating new buildings rather than constructing restoring old ones. I fully disagree with this idea because of the reason of that creating a modern building is costly, and it harms the cultural value of old architectures. In my opinion, the restoration would be a greater practice.
A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
like museums and town halls
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restoration
of the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
. I completely disagree with this view, and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
would be a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as the loss of the value of cultural of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
buildings.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
understanding.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
requires a large sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are functioning
properly
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
facilities is costlier than renovating the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent in the construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
facilities can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for other improvements such as improving sports facilities or poor transport system.
Therefore
, the national budget is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of money.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
, which have a rich history, have become a part of the culture, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists prefer to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
ones in order to experience a sense of history and past. An effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restoration
policy would boost the tourism industry
as well
as renovating them. To illustrate, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
restores these architectures, the number of visitors can increase in the long run.
Furthermore
, the likelihood of this trend can contribute the national budget to increase.
Thus
, it would be a justified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that there is a strong relationship between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restoration
policy and the development of the tourism industry.

In conclusion
, a handful of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
rather
than constructing restoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones. I
fully
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reason of that creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is costly, and it harms the cultural value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
architectures. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restoration
would be a greater practice.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Money should be spent on creating new public buildings, such as museums and town halls, rather than renovating existing ones. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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