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Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v.14

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 14
For few past decades labour law has set the age limit of the working people. Some are against to this notion and argued that certain occupation deserve to retire and receive a pension at an early age. I agree with a given statement. This essay will shed light on the aforementioned statement. To begin with, people are needed to retire in early, those which are engaged with the work related to mental ability. So, a person who involved in work such as, police and military, required more mental job. Hence, the mental agility decrease with the maturity. Moreover the people, which are engaged in task, such as mining and construction, are needed to retire in before sixty, because, in seniority there is more risk of health hazards and if they are not free in youth, they have a chance to prone to some dreadful diseases. In addition, a person which carried out driving such as pilot and drivers are needing more attention to do the task. But, the attention become decrease with the maturity. Therefore, these kind of occupation really benefits by early age retirement. On the other hand, tasks which involve life time sophistication and need more experience, personality are must be retired in seniority. For instance, teaching which involves the lifetime job to teach the children. Moreover, doctor and nurses are also not need to retire in the seniority. Therefore, some kind of tasks can involve the lifetime involvement. To conclude, as aforementioned, not all occupations require to retire in late sixty five due to mental stress and agility. While other occupation which need more sophistication like doctor and teachers can be come into the latter category.
For few past decades
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
law has set the age limit of the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are against to this notion and argued that certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
deserve to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
and receive a pension at an early age. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. This essay will shed light on the aforementioned statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
in early, those which
are engaged
with the work related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
ability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a person who involved in work such as, police and military, required more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
job.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
agility decrease with the maturity.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
are engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
, such as mining and construction,
are needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sixty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in seniority there is more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of health hazards and if they are not free in youth, they have a chance
Did you mean "too prone to"?
to prone to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dreadful diseases.
In addition
, a person which carried out driving such as pilot and drivers
The verb 'needing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are needing
more attention to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the attention become decrease with the maturity.
Therefore
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
really
benefits by early age retirement.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
which involve
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
sophistication and need more experience, personality are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be retired
in seniority.
For instance
, teaching which involves the lifetime job to teach the children.
Moreover
, doctor and nurses are
also
not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
in the seniority.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
can involve the lifetime involvement.

To conclude
, as aforementioned, not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupations
require to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
in late
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty five
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and agility. While other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
occupation
which need more sophistication like doctor and teachers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into the latter category.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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