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Some people think that the government should ensure the healthy lifestyle of people, but others argue that it should be decided by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

Some people think that the government should ensure the healthy lifestyle of people, but others argue that it should be decided by individuals. v. 2
Healthy lifestyle is paramount to leading a long and happy life. Some believe that governments should shoulder the responsibility for its citizens health. While others believe, it is should be an individual choice. It's a very commendable if an individual is able to make right choices in the matters of his/her well-being. However, the problem stems from the fact that many people fail to make right decisions pertaining to their health. Evidently, putting the responsibility of healthiness in the hands of people, clearly doesn't have a good success rate. In today's world, diseases like obesity, diabetes and cancer has become global epidemics. The majority of these illnesses are attributed to abysmal eating habits and lack of physical exercise. And there is overwhelming an amount of research out there that could support these claims. However, if governments take the responsibility of the healthiness of its citizens, it has better chances of combating these diseases. The reason being, governments can easily get access to the best research available out there to combat these conditions. Also, it has the best doctors and research facilities at its disposal, which makes it easier for them to come up with the solutions to eradicate these diseases. But But, there are also quite a number of people who advocate that the decision of lifestyle should solely rest with the individuals. They claim that the excessive indulgence of government in the lives of people might come off as controlling. And nobody appreciates being constantly told what to eat and how much to exercise. In fact, there is a chance people would do the exact opposite as a form of protest towards the authority. The government that strives for the welfare of its citizens is more likely to build a strong country. At the same time it should refrain from being excessively invasive on the health related decisions of its people. No matter how much effort the government puts in, at the end of the day every citizen should possess his own individual accountability. We as responsible individuals, should put our own sincere endeavours in leading a sickness free lifestyle.
Healthy lifestyle is paramount to leading a long and happy life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should shoulder the responsibility for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
health. While others believe, it
Did you mean "it"?
is
should be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
choice. It's a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
commendable if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
right choices in the matters of his/her well-being.
However
, the problem stems from the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
right decisions pertaining to their health.

Evidently
, putting the responsibility of healthiness in the hands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
clearly
doesn't have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
success rate. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, diseases like obesity, diabetes and cancer has become global epidemics. The majority of these illnesses
are attributed
to abysmal eating habits and lack of physical exercise. And there is overwhelming an amount of research out there that could support these claims.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
take the responsibility of the healthiness of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, it has better chances of combating these diseases. The reason being,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to the best research available out there to combat these conditions.
Also
, it has the best doctors and research facilities at its disposal, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the solutions to eradicate these diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there are
also
quite a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who advocate that the decision of lifestyle should
solely
rest with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. They claim that the excessive indulgence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
off as controlling. And nobody appreciates being
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
what to eat and how much to exercise. In fact, there is a chance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would do the exact opposite as a form of protest towards the authority.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
that strives for the welfare of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
is more likely to build a strong country. At the same time it should refrain from being
excessively
invasive on the health related decisions of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. No matter how much effort the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
puts in, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
should possess his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
accountability. We as responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, should put our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sincere
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
in leading a sickness free lifestyle.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should ensure the healthy lifestyle of people, but others argue that it should be decided by individuals. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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