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Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government of the country to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its people, while others believe that individuals should be free to make decisions for their lifestyles. v.1

Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government of the country to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its people, while others believe that individuals should be free to make decisions for their lifestyles. v. 1
Some people argued that ensuring a healthy lifestyle for its people, which is the responsibility of the governmental offices. While others supposed that it is better for people if they are free to choose their lifestyles. My essay will discuss these views and then I will elaborate on my opinion. In fact, the role of a competent and responsible government is to secure the well-being of its people. Hence, there are some ways in order for the government to encourage people to live healthily. For example, the government should spend more money on facilitating equipment at public parks, as well as organizing campaigns about the significance and benefit of playing sport, outdoor activities. As a result, people were raised awareness about taking exercise every day. However, I suppose that the government has not the further role to play. Because there are different statuses of the health of individuals as well as their own habits, lifestyles. Therefore, It is quite hard for the Government to always ensure healthy lifestyles for all residents. People should not single out the government as the only one for gaining healthy lifestyles. From my perspective, individuals have the most essential role in their healthy lifestyles. Because they have the right to choose ways they want to live a lifestyle healthily. Firstly, people should be more conscious-health and follow methods to apply in practices. There were many ways of living healthy lifestyles. Firstly, People should take regular exercises, it is not only to improve their mental health but also to keep their body fit. Secondly, having a balanced diet is a smart choice for people staying healthily. They should try to eat more vegetables, fruits and avoid eating junk food as well. As a result, people can not suffer from various health issues like heart diseases. In conclusion, the government plays a crucial role in orientating people living healthily. But, in my opinion, people are likely to shape their lifestyles through some methods like take exercise every day and choose a healthy diet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that ensuring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which is the responsibility of the governmental offices. While others supposed that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they are free to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
. My essay will discuss these views and then I will elaborate on my opinion.

In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of a competent and responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to secure the well-being of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways in order for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthily
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should spend more money on facilitating equipment at public parks,
as well
as organizing campaigns about the significance and benefit of playing sport, outdoor activities.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were raised
awareness about taking exercise every day.
However
, I suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has not the
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
to play.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
statuses of the health of individuals
as well
as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
habits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
.
Therefore
, It is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
to always ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
for all residents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should not single out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one for gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyles.

From my perspective, individuals have the most essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they have the right to choose ways they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthily
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be more conscious-health and follow methods to apply in practices. There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways of living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should take regular exercises, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their body fit.
Secondly
, having a balanced diet is a smart choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthily
. They should try to eat more vegetables, fruits and avoid eating junk food
as well
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not suffer from various health issues like heart diseases.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
plays a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in orientating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to shape their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods like take exercise every day and choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Some people think that it is the responsibility of the government of the country to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its people, while others believe that individuals should be free to make decisions for their lifestyles. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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