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Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. v. 3
People hold different views about the necessity of making the journey, some claim travelling is the best way to show countries local culture. While others suggest it could be done without moving abroad by TV programs and the internet sources. In the following paragraphs I will discuss both sides. On the one hand, it is undeniable that in today's modernized era is tend to fly easily by plane from one area to another. People buy tickets to see with own eyes cultural places of the country. Besides, this journey conserves important cultural specimens, artefacts and other items to boast about our past and dig deeper into the history. For instance, elder age group people keen to see the world and his past as well as feel countries local atmosphere. That's why for some people taking a trip is crucial. On the other hand, it is clear that in recent days youngsters prefer to watch the programs about abroad local government from the high tech screens, such as TV and computers. Moreover, they offer to others following this innovative way of travelling which can give the same experience as being in a certain area. To exemplify, it is proved that from the whole world's population just 10 percent have travelled, while others could not allow the high cost journeys themselves. To highlight, this is the best sample why most of the people suggest instead of wasting money on the expensive entertainment better safe them for vital occasions. To conclude, from the aforementioned points that is true not everybody cannot permit themselves take a trip to abroad. Thus, I opine that watch travel shows almost the same as being in another part of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the necessity of making the journey,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim travelling is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
countries local culture. While others suggest it could
be done
without moving abroad by TV programs and the internet sources. In the following paragraphs I will discuss both sides.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modernized era is
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to
fly
easily
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
from one area to another.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
eyes cultural places of the country.
Besides
, this journey conserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cultural specimens,
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
items to boast about our past and dig deeper into the history.
For instance
, elder age group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world and his past
as well
as feel countries local atmosphere. That's why for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taking a trip is crucial.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in recent days youngsters prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the programs about abroad local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
from the high tech screens, such as TV and computers.
Moreover
, they offer to others following this innovative way of travelling which can give the same experience as being in a certain area. To exemplify, it
is proved
that from the whole world's population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10 percent have travelled, while others could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the high cost journeys themselves. To highlight, this is the best sample why most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest
instead
of wasting money on the expensive entertainment better safe them for vital occasions.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
conclude, from the aforementioned points
that is
true not everybody cannot permit themselves take a trip to abroad.
Thus
, I opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
almost the same as being in another part of the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but others think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the internet. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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