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Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet. v. 1
Nowadays, together with the development of many kinds of transportations such as train or air plane, travelling around the world is not only a dream. But some people also argue that this can be easily done by just sitting in front of the television. In my opinion, I prefer real experience by visiting many places instead of watching these well-organised programs on TV or via the internet. Undoubtedly, there are many advantages of travelling abroad. Firstly, it would give people real experience and provide a good understanding of culture. Enjoyment and experience gained from these trips are distinct to each person. For example, some people might spend most of their time in visiting famous and beautiful places like world heritages while others love to explore the significant culture by reserving time for doing agricultural work or quietly see a crowded street in other countries. Secondly, they can directly eat many kinds of delicious foods, which have very different taste compared to the same foods made in their country. Finally, communicating with indigenous people would help youngsters who are doing the researches or studying new languages improve a lot. On the other hand, others believe that one can easily learn the traditions and cultural norms through different source of information such as television or digital contents on the internet. The whole world can be explored by just simply clicking the computer mouse or pushing the TV remote. People possibly choose the favourite places or interesting programmes or skip the dislike information instead of passing the different kinds of feeling like physical travelling. In conclusion, I believe that physical travelling would bring more exciting and happiness.
Nowadays, together with the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of transportations such as train or air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
, travelling around the world is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a dream.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
argue that this can be
easily
done by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting in front of the television. In my opinion, I prefer real experience by visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places
instead
of watching these
Possible spelling mistake. 'well-organised' is British English.
well-organised
programs on TV or via the internet.

Undoubtedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of travelling abroad.
Firstly
, it would give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
real experience and provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding of culture. Enjoyment and experience gained from these trips are distinct to each person.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might spend most of their time in visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
places like world heritages while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to explore the significant culture by reserving time for doing agricultural work or
quietly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a crowded street in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.
Secondly
, they can
directly
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of delicious foods, which have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
taste compared to the same foods made in their country.
Finally
, communicating with indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
youngsters who are doing the researches or studying new languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a lot.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others believe that one can
easily
learn the traditions and cultural norms through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
source of information such as television or digital contents on the internet. The whole world can
be explored
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
clicking the computer mouse or pushing the TV remote.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
possibly
choose the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
places or interesting
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or skip the dislike information
instead
of passing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of feeling like physical travelling.

In conclusion
, I believe that physical travelling would bring more exciting and happiness.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries, but other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen at TV and the internet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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