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School teaching should focus on success on the workforce and less attention should be given to academic achievement, to what extent do you agree or disagree v.3

School teaching should focus on success on the workforce and less attention should be given to academic achievement, v. 3
Teaching method to pay attention, between workforce and academic achievement is debatable. Although I agree with the statement above that educational technique should take care of the development of the workforce, I believe academic success is also crucial and should be treated equally. To commence with, advocates focus on successful workforce argues that this approach increases the self-confidence among students as they usually afraid while attending the first interview after graduation. Therefore, speaking contests should take place because students who participate in these activities are more likely to feel confident in their ability to speak in front of an audience. Moreover, it is often claimed that the student gets the opportunity to know about office etiquette, including answering the call and respect the authority which is important to build good character at the office premises. On the other hand, there are several positives to give equal weight to academic achievement. The most important benefit is that academic grades provide the opportunity for fresh graduates to start their career with multinational companies because these organizations would like to hire those graduates who have an excellent academic record. A further positive is that theoretical accomplishment would enable the student to obtain scholarship program across the globe consequently, bright students could get higher education free of cost. A good example of this is that Florida academic program in the United States provides a scholarship program to students who have minimum 80% marks throughout academic years. A final benefit is that students with excellent grade earn the respect of their teachers and classmates, and they always remember with good wishes to progress. Thus, teachers to give equal importance to theoretical achievement and should not be neglected. In conclusion, although workforce focus enables the student to become confident enough to perform well at the office, I presume the academic excellence is equally important as it will open the door for position holder students to join an international firm and attain the higher qualification to uplift their career.
Teaching method to pay attention, between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievement is debatable. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement above that educational technique should take care of the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
success is
also
crucial and should
be treated
equally
.

To commence with, advocates focus on successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
argues that this approach increases the self-confidence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they
usually
afraid while attending the
first
interview after graduation.
Therefore
, speaking contests should take place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who participate in these activities are more likely to feel confident in their ability to speak in front of an audience.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the opportunity to know about office etiquette, including answering the call and respect the authority which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character at the office premises.

On the other hand
, there are several positives to give equal weight to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
achievement. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
grades provide the opportunity for fresh graduates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career with multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these organizations would like to hire those graduates who have an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
record. A
further
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
is that theoretical accomplishment would enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to obtain scholarship program across the globe
consequently
, bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher education free of cost. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is that Florida
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
program in the United States provides a scholarship program to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have minimum 80% marks throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
years.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
A
final benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with excellent grade earn the respect of their teachers and classmates, and they always remember with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
wishes to progress.
Thus
, teachers to give equal importance to theoretical achievement and should not
be neglected
.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
focus enables the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to become confident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to perform well at the office, I presume the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
excellence is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it will open the door for position holder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
an international firm and attain the higher qualification to uplift their career.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay School teaching should focus on success on the workforce and less attention should be given to academic achievement, v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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