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Some people believe that modern designs for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such spaces? Give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that modern designs for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such spaces? Give your opinion. v. 2
Having huge empty spaces in educational places and workplaces is trusted by a few people to have in current updated designs. The principal advantages are children will have space to play games and to have few office meetings and the main disadvantages are cleaning and maintenance. This essay will first discuss the importance of having more open spaces and followed by an analysis of problems with the extra open spaces. I will give my opinion in the conclusion. Firstly, open places is used to play games and meetings for schools and organisations. Many schools now a days don't have any ground to have physical activities like sports or games so that, children are not physically and mentally strong. For example, we see many kids are very weak and not having a good immune system because they don't have any kind of sports in schools. In other words, many school designs are without empty spaces. Where as in offices open spaces are used to have some conferences and get to gethers. For example, instead of hiring hotel or hall, they can use this spaces to conduct meetings and parties. Secondly, it's very hard to wash and keep in in good hygienic conditions. These open spaces are regularly used by kids so, they should clean in every day and they should have extra workers to do it properly and pay them. For example, Schools should give salaries to the labours who work and maintain it, this will be an extra expense to the management. On the other hand, even in the offices they will face the same problem with cleaning. For example, employees should stop working for sometime and allow the cleaners to clear that place and sanitise it. To conclude, school and offices should have more open spaces for lot of advantages by that, but what we think should happen is they should clean and maintain in properly by themselves so that, management no need to spend extra for the cleaning agencies.
Having huge empty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
in educational places and workplaces
is trusted
by a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
updated designs. The principal advantages are children will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
to play games and to have few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
meetings and the main disadvantages are cleaning and maintenance. This essay will
first
discuss the importance of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
and followed by an analysis of problems with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
. I will give my opinion in the conclusion.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
places is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play games and meetings for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
don't have any ground to have physical activities like sports or games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, children are not
physically
and mentally strong. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
weak and not having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
immune system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't have any kind of sports in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
designs are without empty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conferences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
gethers
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
instead
of hiring hotel or hall, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
to conduct meetings and parties.

Secondly
, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to wash and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hygienic conditions. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
are
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they should clean in every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
workers to do it
properly
and pay them. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should give salaries to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
who work and maintain it, this will be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
expense to the management.
On the other hand
, even in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
they will face the same problem with cleaning. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, employees should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working for sometime and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the cleaners to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that place and
Possible spelling mistake. 'sanitise' is British English.
sanitise
it.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
should have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
for
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
advantages by that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
should happen is they should clean and maintain in
properly
by themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, management no need to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
for the cleaning agencies.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that modern designs for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such spaces? Give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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