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In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. v.1

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. v. 1
The majority of people consider that adolescents getting involved in part-time works during their off time as a positive growth, because it aids the students to be self sufficient. However, others oppose this as it may lead them to lose their interest in academics. Even though there are few demerits in this regard, I believe part-time jobs need to be uplifted as it not only aids them to be less dependant, but also makes them familiar with the real world. Most of the countries nowadays are providing feasibility to their youth to pursue part-time career in parallel with their studies. This makes the students to earn their living expenses and also gather hands on experience which increases their confidence levels. For instance, most of the part-timers tend to manage their living cost, including tuition fees from their earnings, which in turn reduces the economic burden in their families, particularly low income groups. Therefore, students can become self sustained and actively pursue their dreams. On the other hand, some people consider that getting acquainted to earn money at the tender age makes them neglect their studies and provokes them to earn more by sidetracking academics. This in turn leads them to drop out of school. Researches say that part-time culture is one of the significant reasons for the rise in high school dropouts. Hence, to tackle this problem, they believe that there needs to be a restriction on allowing part-time works. In conclusion, students need to be encouraged to do part-time jobs considering their family background. However, their parents must ensure that their study curriculum should not be distracted due to their working hours.
The majority of
people
consider that adolescents getting involved in part-time works during their off time as a
positive
growth,
because
it aids the
students
to be
self sufficient
.
However
, others oppose this as it may lead them to lose their interest in academics.
Even though
there are few demerits in this regard, I believe part-time jobs need to
be uplifted
as it not
only
aids them to be less
dependant
,
but
also
makes
them familiar with the real world.

Most of the countries nowadays are providing feasibility to their youth to pursue part-time career in parallel with their studies. This
makes
the
students
to earn their living expenses and
also
gather hands on experience which increases their confidence levels.
For instance
, most of the part-timers tend to manage their living cost, including tuition fees from their earnings, which in turn
reduces
the economic burden in their families,
particularly
low income groups.
Therefore
,
students
can become
self sustained
and
actively
pursue their dreams.

On the other hand
,
some
people
consider that getting acquainted to earn money at the tender age
makes
them neglect their studies and provokes them to earn more by sidetracking academics. This in turn leads them to drop out of school. Researches say that part-time culture is one of the significant reasons for the rise in high school dropouts.
Hence
, to tackle this problem, they believe that there needs to be a restriction on allowing part-time works.

In conclusion
,
students
need to
be encouraged
to do part-time jobs considering their family background.
However
, their parents
must
ensure that their study curriculum should not
be distracted
due to their working hours.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part-time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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