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Some people think that it is more benefit to take part in sports which are played by a team, like football, while other think that taking part in individual sport, like tennis or swimming is better. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that it is more benefit to take part in sports which are played by a team, like football, while other think that taking part in individual sport, like tennis or swimming is better. v. 1
Energy is required for accomplishing a myriad of tasks in the home. To carry out these activities, use of solar power is becoming increasing popular as a means of an energy source in the around the globe. This is due to the fact that people nowadays have become aware of the dangers of over-consumption of fossil fuels. Although, there are some benefits such as it is a one-time investment and has a low maintenance cost, there are certain drawbacks such as the unavailability of the Sun in certain countries. The prime reason why the ample amount of people are using energy from the sun for their activities is that people have become aware of the dangers of an over usage of non-renewable resources. This can be evident from the fact that the sale of solar panels and cells have increased considerably, according to survey of a local newspaper. Coming into the pros of this alternative source of power is that it is only one-time investment. Though, the Initial set-up cost may seem to be a minor issue, but one can benefit a lot. To exemplify, my uncle lives in India, where sunlight is available almost every day, he installed solar cells on the rooftop last year. He is quite jubilant as he is saving huge amount of money due to less electricity bill. One can run various devices, namely, air conditioner, washing machine and refrigerator simultaneously. Thus, it is a boon for the society. Contrary to this, there are various nations where there are harsh winters, and one can rarely see glimpses of the Sun, using solar energy as a prime source of electricity is almost next to impossible there. For an instance, my siblings live in Alberta, a Canadian province, they need to consume vitamin-d supplements and wear snow boots. For them, surviving in a chilly weather is a challenging task. In conclusion, the public is getting aware about the dangers of the excessive use of fossil fuels, so they are switching to other methods of generating electricity. Due to just one-time investment with long-term benefits, solar-energy is a boon to both mankind and an environment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Energy
is required
for accomplishing a myriad of tasks in the home. To carry out these activities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
power is becoming increasing popular as a means of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
source in
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the around the'. Did you mean "around the"?
the around the
globe.
This is due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays have become aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of over-consumption of fossil fuels. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as it is a one-time investment and has a low maintenance cost, there are certain drawbacks such as the unavailability of the Sun in certain countries.

The prime reason why the ample amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
from the sun for their activities is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become aware of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of an over usage of non-renewable resources. This can be evident from the fact that the sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
panels and cells have increased
considerably
, according to survey of a local newspaper.

Coming into the pros of this alternative source of power is that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one-time investment. Though, the Initial set-up cost may seem to be a minor issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one can benefit a lot. To exemplify, my uncle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in India, where sunlight is available almost every day, he installed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
cells on the rooftop last year. He is quite jubilant as he is saving huge amount of money due to less electricity bill. One can run various devices,
namely
, air conditioner, washing machine and refrigerator
simultaneously
.
Thus
, it is a boon for the society.

Contrary to this, there are various nations where there are harsh winters, and one can rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
glimpses of the Sun, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
as a prime source of electricity is almost
next
to impossible there. For an instance, my siblings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Alberta, a Canadian province, they need to consume vitamin-d supplements and wear snow boots. For them, surviving in a chilly weather is a challenging task.

In conclusion
, the public is getting aware about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of the excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fossil fuels,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are switching to other methods of generating electricity. Due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one-time investment with long-term benefits, solar-energy is a boon to both mankind and an environment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more benefit to take part in sports which are played by a team, like football, while other think that taking part in individual sport, like tennis or swimming is better. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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