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The widespead use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantegeous outweigh the disadvantegeous? v.1

The widespead use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantegeous outweigh the disadvantegeous? v. 1
In the past, neighbours formed an important part of people's social lives and they helped them when they had problems. Nowadays, people often do not even know their neighbours and in consequence they live much more isolated lives. There are a number of reasons why we have less contact with our neighbours. Firstly, our lifestyles are more mobile. This means people may change the area where they live quite frequently and this causes their relationships with their neighbours to be more superficial. Secondly, nowadays people often live and work in different places. This leads to people forming closer relationships with work colleagues than the ones they have with their neighbours. Finally, modern lifestyles make us spend more time inside our houses watching television, and when we go out, we travel by car. Consequently, we do not speak to the people in our neighbourhood so much. There are a number of ways in which I think contact between neighbours can be improved. First of all, local authorities can provide communal areas such as playgrounds for children and community halls so that there are places where neighbours can meet and make friends. Next, I think that when new neighbours come to a street, the people living there ought to introduce themselves and welcome them. Lastly, people living in a street or small district should form neighbourhood associations and meet regularly to discuss the things which affect them. In conclusion, these suggestions will probably not make neighbours as important in our lives as they were in the past. However, they will help our relationships with our neighbours to become more useful and valuable.
In the past,
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
formed an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them when they had problems. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not even know their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and in consequence they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
much more isolated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

There are a number of reasons why we have less contact with our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Firstly
, our lifestyles are more mobile. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the area where they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
quite
frequently
and this causes their relationships with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
to be more superficial.
Secondly
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and work in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forming closer relationships with work colleagues than the ones they have with their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
Finally
, modern lifestyles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us spend more time inside our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
watching television, and when we go out, we travel by car.
Consequently
, we do not speak to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much.

There are a number of ways in which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
contact between
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, local authorities can provide communal areas such as playgrounds for children and community halls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there are places where
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends.
Next
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that when new
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to a street, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living there ought to introduce themselves and welcome them.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in a street or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
district should form
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
associations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
regularly
to discuss the things which affect them.

In conclusion
, these suggestions will
probably
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
as they were in the past.
However
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our relationships with our
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
to become more useful and valuable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay The widespead use of the Internet gives people more freedom at home instead of going to work or college. Do you think its advantegeous outweigh the disadvantegeous? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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