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TPO36briefly summarize the woman's problem. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v.2

TPO36briefly summarize the woman's problem. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 2
It is often argued that people prefer to work for themselves instead of working in a company. This essay discusses the reasons and drawbacks of being self-employed. There are two reasons why people tend to work increasingly on their own. The main reason for this is that many people want to be independent these days, as a result, they prefer to work independently. For instance, when a person does not have a boss, he or she can plan their holidays whenever they want. As well as this, being self-employed gives people the privilege of choosing their own workplace and work outfit. This is because it is much more comfortable to work from home as people do not have to worry about being late to a job or a daily outfit. On the other hand, there are several disadvantages to being self-employed. The main drawback is that people will lack their knowledge because they will not contact other colleagues or ask them for any help. For example, they will have a dreary routine because every day will be exactly the same as others. In addition, If employees work from one place all day, it will cause obesity problems. This is because people will get lazy to go outside or to hang out with their friends as they get used to spend their time at home. To conclude, I hold the opinion that being self-employed has more disadvantages these days. This is because people will get overweight and will less communicate with people face-to-face.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for themselves
instead
of working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This essay discusses the reasons and drawbacks of being self-employed.

There are two reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
increasingly
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. The main reason for this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be independent these days,
as a result
, they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
independently
.
For instance
, when a person does not have a boss, he or she can plan their holidays whenever they want.
As well
as this, being self-employed gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the privilege of choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
workplace and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outfit. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is much more comfortable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about being late to a job or a daily outfit.

On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages to being self-employed. The main drawback is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lack their knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not contact other colleagues or ask them for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
For example
, they will have a dreary routine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every day will be exactly the same as others.
In addition
, If employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from one place all day, it will cause obesity problems. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lazy to go outside or to hang out with their friends as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to spending".
used to spend
their time at home.

To conclude
, I hold the opinion that being self-employed has more disadvantages these days. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
overweight and will less communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face-to-face.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay TPO36briefly summarize the woman's problem. Then state which solution you would recommend. Explain the reasons for your recommendation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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