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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both view, and give your own opinion. v.16

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 16
These days, modern people concern about the benefit of sports. In this regard, many individuals are willing to take part in the sports, which are played in teams, such as basketball, football and volleyball. However, others feel that individual type of activities are profitable for their well-being. After pondering this phenomenon, I reckon that individual sports can help to the sport people to take the responsibility. Nowadays, it is true that the main reason of taking classes on individual type of activities is freedom, as they can concentrate on their training independently. Therefore, it can develop the sport people's confidence and responsibility, because during the competition, they are supposed to believe in their ability and capacity. That is to say, if they lose, there are will be nobody to blame. Furthermore, this method is beneficial for the well-trained individuals, as their success depends on their level of preparation. To illustrate, if the person is conscious about his/her training and mental work, he/she can succeed in their fields, such as martial arts, boxing and tennis. On the other hand, it is clear that playing in teams can develop the communication skills and cooperation, in order to win the competition, they are supposed to work with their teammates. Accordingly, this can progress their interpersonal skills. Moreover, playing in teams gives the players an opportunity to analyse other members. Accordingly, they can improve their performance from these analyses. For example, the young players can learn from the experienced players in a team. In addition, they can share their skills with other members, and these changes can really improve the performance of the team. In conclusion, although many people are keen to think that playing with other teammates can help the sport people to progress their performance, others feel that individual sports can help to gain confidence and responsibility. Personally, I believe that being responsible for the work is much better than relying on other people.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concern about the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which
are played
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
, such as basketball, football and volleyball.
However
, others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
type of activities are profitable for their well-being. After pondering this phenomenon, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take the responsibility.

Nowadays, it is true that the main reason of taking classes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
type of activities is freedom, as they can concentrate on their training
independently
.
Therefore
, it can develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's confidence and responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during the competition, they
are supposed
to believe in their ability and capacity.
That is
to say, if they lose, there are will be nobody to blame.
Furthermore
, this method is beneficial for the well-trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, as their success depends on their level of preparation. To illustrate, if the person is conscious about his/her training and mental work, he/she can succeed in their fields, such as martial arts, boxing and tennis.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that playing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
can develop the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and cooperation, in order to win the competition, they
are supposed
to work with their teammates.
Accordingly
, this can progress their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, playing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
gives the players an opportunity to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members.
Accordingly
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance from these analyses.
For example
, the young players can learn from the experienced players in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
In addition
, they can share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members, and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the performance of the team.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
teammates can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to progress their performance, others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to gain confidence and responsibility.
Personally
, I believe that being responsible for the work is much better than relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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