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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.8

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 8
Playing in a team is highly advantageous, some people say, while others argue that it is better off partaking in a one-man sports. I opine that it is inconsequential, whether one is in a team or alone, all that matters is achieving success at the end of the day. On one hand, the proponents of team sports believe it has a lot of benefits that makes it most preferred. Players in games like football, basketball, cricket and so on are trained to motivate each other, that is, one player's strength is in the other. Alternatively, they build "team spirit" to succeed. In addition, the players rest either from an injury or fatigue because they are promptly replaced. This ensures continuity in the game. To illustrate, in the just concluded Cricket World Tournament, in the match between Chile and Tunisia, a Tunisian player was badly injured and was replaced by another player. Thus, the absence of one player is not the end of the game. On the other hand, some people support it is best to play alone. They argue that a player in sports like swimming, tennis, boxing and so on, can easily be singled out by his or her performance, in other words, no need to pass through ten players to get to one. Similarly, the glory and praises that comes with winning is not divided unlike in the latter. For instance, the winner in a swimming competition deserves all accolades because he or she needed no help to succeed. Thereby, is accorded honour and respect. In conclusion, whether one plays in a team and is motivated by others, or alone and is quickly spotted, I am of the opinion that each game is specially designed to either be played with others or alone. Consequently, it does not matter which ever one chooses to partake in.
Playing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is
highly
advantageous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say, while others argue that it is better off partaking in a one-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "sport"?
sports
. I opine that it is inconsequential, whether one is in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
, all that matters is achieving success at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day.

On one hand, the proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
sports believe it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it most preferred.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Players
in games like football, basketball, cricket and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
are trained
to motivate each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
that is
, one player's strength is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Alternatively
, they build
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
team spirit
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
to succeed.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
rest either from an injury or fatigue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
promptly
replaced. This ensures continuity in the game. To illustrate, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
concluded Cricket World Tournament, in the match between Chile and Tunisia, a Tunisian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
was
badly
injured and
was replaced
by another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
.
Thus
, the absence of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the game.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support it is best to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
. They argue that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
in sports like swimming, tennis, boxing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, can
easily
be singled
out by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
performance, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, no need to pass through ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to one.
Similarly
, the glory and praises that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with winning is not divided unlike in the latter.
For instance
, the winner in a swimming competition deserves all accolades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he or she needed no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to succeed. Thereby,
is accorded
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
and respect.

In conclusion
, whether one plays in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and
is motivated
by others, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
and is
quickly
spotted, I am of the opinion that each game is
specially
designed to either
be played
with others or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
.
Consequently
, it does not matter which
Did you mean "every one"?
ever one
chooses to partake in.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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