Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.9

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 9
People have different views about which type of sports is better for them to participate in. While there are certain benefits of playing team sports, I would argue that taking part in individual sports is a better option. On the one hand, team sports are advantageous to some extent. Firstly, playing team sports requires participants to cooperate with other teammates, which can help them to improve their teamwork skills. For example, in a football match, players in a team have to work together to put the ball into the opponent’s net. This is similar to the process in which employees are required to handle tasks together in order to achieve the company’s objectives. Secondly, playing sports in teams is also a great chance to meet new people and make new friends. As a result, people can build up their network, which is highly beneficial to their career. On the other hand, I believe it is better for people to play sports individually. The first reason is that this allows people to foster their independence instead of depending on others. For instance, when a player wants to win a match of tennis, he has to try his hardest as there is no one else to rely on. Therefore, individuals would learn how to overcome bigger obstacles in life by themselves. Additionally, as people play sports alone, it is easier for them to maintain a regular training schedule. If they play sports with a number of other players, it will be difficult to organise weekly sessions that everyone can find the time to attend. In conclusion, while team sports bring about undeniable benefits, I believe people should devote more of their spare time to playing individual sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about which type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is better for them to participate in. While there are certain benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I would argue that taking part in individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a better option.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are advantageous to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
requires participants to cooperate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
teammates, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, in a football match, players in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work together to put the ball into the opponent’s net. This is similar to the process in which employees
are required
to handle tasks together in order to achieve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s objectives.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
is
also
a great chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can build up their network, which is
highly
beneficial to their career.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
individually
. The
first
reason is that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to foster their independence
instead
of depending on others.
For instance
, when a player wants to win a match of tennis, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
try his hardest as there is no one else to rely on.
Therefore
, individuals would learn how to overcome bigger obstacles in life by themselves.
Additionally
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
alone, it is easier for them to maintain a regular training schedule. If they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
players, it will be difficult to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
weekly sessions that everyone can find the time to attend.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring about undeniable benefits, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should devote more of their spare time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts