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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports, which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.17

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports, which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 17
Presently, most of the people are showing interest in playing games and other extra-curricular activities because it helps their children to improve communication. Besides, certain people opine, that the children's should be encouraged to participate in the football, which encourages them to play as a team. On the contrary, others suggest that the kids should be allowed to participate in the independent games, like tennis or swimming. In this essay, I will debate on both the viewpoints and suggest my opinion. Firstly, most of the parents are focusing their children's to actively participate in the games, like cricket and football because they help them to establish a good relationship with others. Though there is no need to pay attention on a game, but it helps them to reduce stress and anxiety. Secondly, students are more interested to actively join in the team, while these sports transform an introvert person. Moreover, these activities help them to solve the major problems in their educational institutions. A research stated that 90% of the problems were solved by the students, who had won to play the games as a cluster. On the other hand, there are certain people fascinated about tennis or swimming. Indeed, they believe that these activities help them to develop individually. If a person had to be successful in his life, they had to contribute on their own. So, the public, who follow this ideology encourage others, like these games. In the conclusion, a likely reason why most of the people choose activities that encourage them to play as a team because it helps to improve relationships with others. However, others believe that students should be allowed to take an active role in the individual games because it improves their confidence and problem-solving capabilities. Furthermore, I believe that people should be allowed to participate in the independent games to improve their concentration.
Presently
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing interest in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
communication.
Besides
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine, that the children's should
be encouraged
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in the football, which encourages them to play as a team.
On the contrary
, others suggest that the kids should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in the independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, like tennis or swimming. In this essay, I will debate on both the viewpoints and suggest my opinion.

Firstly
, most of the parents are focusing their children's to
actively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, like cricket and football
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to establish a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with others. Though there is no need to pay attention on a game,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
Secondly
, students are more interested to
actively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in the team, while these sports transform an introvert person.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to solve the major problems in their educational institutions.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
stated that 90% of the problems
were solved
by the students, who had won to play the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a cluster.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fascinated about tennis or swimming.
Indeed
, they believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to develop
individually
. If a person had to be successful in his life, they had to contribute on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the public, who follow this ideology encourage others, like these games.

In the conclusion, a likely reason why most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that encourage them to play as a team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
relationships with others.
However
, others believe that students should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take an active role in the individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
their confidence and problem-solving capabilities.
Furthermore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in the independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their concentration.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports, which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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