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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience. v.12

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience. v. 12
Nowadays, people are living an unhealthy life which is causing well-being problems in most of the countries. In my opinion, it is owing to lack of exercise and poor dietary habits, but this issue can be controlled by improving lifestyle and meal choices. The following paragraphs will discuss the causes and possible ways to combat this issue. I believe the main reason of such well-being problems are sedentary behaviour which is prevalent these days. This is due to minimal physical activity that results in obesity and further leads to incurable ailments like Diabetes, Hypertension and cardiac problems. Studies conducted in the USA and UK, for instance, concluded that more than 80% people diagnosed with Diabetes have a common routine of lack of mobility and exercise. Furthermore, consuming fats and calories through a junk meal is another contributor in this regard. Reason is fast foodstuff outlets are ubiquitous nowadays with mouthwatering taste, reasonable price and easy to eat. Therefore, people burning less calories by workout and eating less nutritious snacks get encountered with health issues across the world. Nevertheless, these health issues can be controlled by improving lifestyle and food choices. Any kind of physical activity or sport should be an indispensable ritual owing to the fact that burning calories help to get rid of the accumulated fat. People who walk 30 minutes at least 5 days a week, for instance, have proven to live longer and healthier compared to those who act otherwise. In addition, fast food restaurants can provide healthier alternatives in their menus. MC Donald’s, for example, has introduced an option for selecting a banana instead of French fries in a kid’s meal. In short, involving in some kind of physical exercise and making more nutritious culinary choices are the attainable solutions for health related ailments. To conclude, people across the globe are suffering from diseases due to a sedentary behaviour. Nonetheless, being more active and eating healthy can overcome such issues.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living an unhealthy life which is causing well-being problems in most of the countries. In my opinion, it is owing to lack of exercise and poor dietary habits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
can
be controlled
by improving lifestyle and meal choices. The following paragraphs will discuss the causes and possible ways to combat this issue.

I believe the main reason of such well-being problems are sedentary
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
which is prevalent these days. This is due to minimal physical activity that results in obesity and
further
leads to incurable ailments like Diabetes, Hypertension and cardiac problems. Studies conducted in the USA and UK,
for instance
, concluded that more than 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
diagnosed with Diabetes have a common routine of lack of mobility and exercise.
Furthermore
, consuming fats and calories through a junk meal is another contributor in this regard. Reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foodstuff outlets are ubiquitous nowadays with mouthwatering taste, reasonable price and easy to eat.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
burning
Did you mean "fewer calories"?
less calories
by workout and eating less nutritious snacks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
encountered with health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
across the world.

Nevertheless
, these health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
can
be controlled
by improving lifestyle and food choices. Any kind of physical activity or sport should be an indispensable ritual owing to the fact that burning calories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the accumulated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who walk 30 minutes at least 5 days a week,
for instance
, have proven to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and healthier compared to those who act
otherwise
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurants can provide healthier alternatives in their menus. MC Donald’s,
for example
, has introduced an option for selecting a banana
instead
of French fries in a kid’s meal. In short, involving in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of physical exercise and making more nutritious culinary choices are the attainable solutions for health related ailments.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe are suffering from diseases due to a sedentary
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Nonetheless, being more active and eating healthy can overcome such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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