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Only government action can solve housing shortages in big cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Only government action can solve housing shortages in big cities. v. 2
It is true that unavailability of living space in congested metropolitan can lead to unprecedented repercussions. Therefore, governments are burdened with the task to provide an effective and proper solution. I completely agree with the statement that its rule responsibility to mitigate these problems. Certainly, with the increase in population, people are forced to live in crowded areas subsidizing the standard of living. In other words, quality of life decrease substantially by this phenomena. In particular, inhibitors face security issues as with clogged streets, the crime rate increases and it cannot be controlled by individuals or society so authorities have to take action, such as enlarged in force units and installation of surveillance cameras, to overcome this problem. Additionally, growth in garbage production rate and air pollution caused by traffic is seen in these places leading to deteriorating environmental condition. Moreover, to evade the situation, families prefer to live in the suburbs, away from the main cities. These not only deprives them of basic facilities such as Hospital, which are mostly situated in the centre, but also generate mobilization problems. For instance, it takes approximately one hour for commuters to reach the workplace from outskirts for jobs. Communities cannot provide such facilities because of limited resources. As a result the government has to indulge to construct amenities for families living on far side according to the requirements. Furthermore, efficient traffic system needs to be established to resolve travel issue. For example, London is expanding exponentially and government has provided underground railway called tube to facilitate citizens. In conclusion, even though societal problems, generate in populated cities, effective government policies and steps can help solve these problems for the betterment of society and the increase in life standard.
It is true that unavailability of living space in congested metropolitan can lead to unprecedented repercussions.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are burdened
with the task to provide an effective and proper solution. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
responsibility to mitigate these problems.

Certainly
, with the increase in population,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in crowded areas subsidizing the standard of living.
In other words
, quality of life decrease
substantially
by
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena.
In particular
, inhibitors face security issues as with clogged streets, the crime rate increases and it cannot
be controlled
by individuals or society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take action, such as enlarged in force units and installation of surveillance cameras, to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Additionally
, growth in garbage production rate and air pollution caused by traffic is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in these places leading to deteriorating environmental condition.

Moreover
, to evade the situation, families prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the suburbs, away from the main cities. These not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deprives them of basic facilities such as Hospital, which are
mostly
situated in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generate mobilization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For instance
, it takes approximately one hour for commuters to reach the workplace from outskirts for jobs. Communities cannot provide such facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of limited resources.
As a result
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
indulge to construct amenities for families living on far side according to the requirements.
Furthermore
, efficient traffic system needs to
be established
to resolve travel issue.
For example
, London is expanding
exponentially
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has provided underground railway called tube to facilitate citizens.

In conclusion
,
even though
societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, generate in populated cities, effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policies and steps can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for the betterment of society and the increase in life standard.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Only government action can solve housing shortages in big cities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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