Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and state the views. v.9

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 9
Good mental health helps everyone to enjoy life and cope with problems. While some prefer to do many activities in their leisure time for relaxing mind. However, there are others who like to take a rest during their free time, in order to give a rest for the mind and the whole body. The following lines discuss both these aspects and arrives at its own conclusion. On the one hand, people interested in doing many activities during their leisure time, such as reading and complete word puzzles etc. . This will definitely improve their mind. To cite an example, when a person during free times, feels undisturbed or have a tension in his mind, at that time he doesn't interested in talking with others. If he engaged in playing Rubik's cube, it will definitely help to overcome his tension or unwanted thinkings from the mind. So, many activities will help to relieve the mind from unwanted tensions and make everyone healthy also. On the other hand, some people interested to take rest during their leisure time. This will help to give a relaxation for the mind. Every person needs a minimum of eight hours sleep in a day. But, most of them didn't get enough time to sleep especially among women. Moreover, It will affect our entire body functions. For example, a study about mental health reported by a health organization clearly states that about 75 percentage of individuals didn't get proper time for rest. Because of this, many people taking sleeping pills for setting their mind and body in a good condition. To wind up, healthy mind is very important for the better functioning of the body. So, take rest and do activities in the free time to relax our mind.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
mental health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
everyone to enjoy life and cope with problems. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
However
, there are others who like to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in order to give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. The following lines discuss both these aspects and arrives at its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
conclusion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interested in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, such as reading and complete word puzzles etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
This will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. To cite an example, when a person during free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, feels undisturbed or have a tension in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
, at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he doesn't
The verb 'doesn't' requires base form of this verb: "interest"
interested
in talking with others. If he engaged in playing Rubik's cube, it will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to overcome his tension or unwanted
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to relieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
from unwanted tensions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone healthy
also
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interested to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
during their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to give a relaxation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
. Every person needs a minimum of eight hours sleep in a day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, most of them didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to sleep
especially
among women.
Moreover
, It will affect our entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
functions.
For example
, a study about mental health reported by a health organization
clearly
states that about 75 percentage of individuals didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
.
Because of this
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
taking sleeping pills for setting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition.

To wind up, healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the better functioning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts