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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.9

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 9
While some have an opinion that children should learn to keep themselves busy, other people believe that children should be encouraged by their parents to involve in group activities. This essay will look into how a child should spend their spare time before drawing a final conclusion. On the one hand, there are many children who do not get along with others easily because of several reasons. Moreover, they may be living in a place where they could not find other children in the neighborhood. Due to this, they are required to keep themselves occupied on their own and find some activities that can be done alone. This can be helpful for them to think creatively and do some innovative things. For example, a research paper published by a well-known university sates that 60% of children who mostly stay alone turned out to be great thinkers. On the other hand, group activities allow a child to enhance their communication and teamwork skills. These skills are extremely important for children to learn, because when their practical life begins, they have to deal with a lot of people and work in an office with other employees as a team. For instance, being part of a sports team teaches them to communicate effectively with others, and how one should work as a team. Hence, I strongly believe that parents should back their children to be part of things where they have to interact with others. Doing so will not only prepare them for adult life but also provide them skills that will help in their future. To conclude, although children should know how to stay busy, when alone, in their leisure time, it is more important for them to gain knowledge of abilities that will be helpful in practical life.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
have an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
by their parents to involve in group activities. This essay will look into how a child should spend their spare time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a final conclusion.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with others
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.
Moreover
, they may be living in a place where they could not find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the neighborhood. Due to this, they
are required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities that can
be done
alone. This can be helpful for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creatively
and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innovative things.
For example
, a research paper published by a well-known university sates that 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
mostly
stay alone turned out to be great thinkers.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, group activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a child to enhance their communication and teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when their practical life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and work in an office with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employees as a team.
For instance
, being part of a sports team teaches them to communicate
effectively
with others, and how one should work as a team.
Hence
, I
strongly
believe that parents should back their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be part of things where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
interact with others. Doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
prepare them for adult life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their future.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should know how to stay busy, when alone, in their leisure time, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to gain knowledge of abilities that will be helpful in practical life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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