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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 5
Leisure times are more and more important to people in today’s stressful world. Most people think that it is crucial to utilize free time for activities that can improve one’s mind. Some people however strongly advocate that resting the mind during leisure time is more important. It is interesting to see that people from different background have different perception on the same issue. I will discuss both views and provide my opinion in the following essay. Those who agree with the former idea gives their reasons as follow. To start off, if we were to use our free time to read or work on word puzzles, our brain will more likely to remain active and fresh as we never stop using it. This is why elderly people should never stop working their mind and constantly try to improve them. For instance, elderly who constantly play Mahjong are more likely to stay alert and sharp compared to those who didn’t. Another reason is that, we are to focus on our work on studies in the daily life and forgot to upgrade and improve ourselves. On the other hand, some people think we should keep our minds unoccupied during the free times. This is mostly because we are too immerse in our daily life that is already stress enough for the brain. Hence, we should rest our mind to help us go further and start afresh. Besides that, we should not continue to stress the brain as it may bring unhealthy consequences such as difficulties to fall asleep as well as overstressed. In conclusion, both positions make good and reasonable argument. Personally, I believe that we should take a break every now and then from the stressful environment we are in so we don’t overwork our mind. Furthermore, we should be extra careful of our mental health as there are many increasing cases of stress and depression.
Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
are more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s stressful world. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is crucial to utilize free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for activities that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
however
strongly
advocate that resting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
during leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. It is interesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
background have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perception on the same issue. I will discuss both views and provide my opinion in the following essay.

Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
gives their reasons
Did you mean "as follows"?
as follow
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
off, if we were to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
our free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to read or work on word puzzles, our brain will more likely to remain active and fresh as we never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
using it. This is why elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
working their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
and
constantly
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them.
For instance
, elderly who
constantly
play
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahjong
are more likely to stay alert and sharp compared to those who didn’t. Another reason is that, we are to focus on our work on studies in the daily life and forgot to upgrade and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
ourselves.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minds
unoccupied during the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. This is
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are
Did you mean "to immerse"?
too immerse
in our daily life
that is
already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the brain.
Hence
, we should rest our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us go
further
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
afresh.
Besides
that, we should not continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
the brain as it may bring unhealthy consequences such as difficulties to fall asleep
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
overstressed
.

In conclusion
, both positions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and reasonable argument.
Personally
, I believe that we should take a break every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then from the stressful environment we are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we don’t overwork our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
Furthermore
, we should be extra careful of our mental health as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
increasing cases of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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