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Some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or negative development v.4

Some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or negative development v. 4
In recent years, the school timing is different in many developed countries. Most of the school has very less number of hours. There are advantages and disadvantages associated with this shortening of hours. I believe that it is largely a negative development. Children should spend most of their time in schools. Because, educational institutions not only increase their knowledge but also develop their overall personality. If school time is more, students can engage in a lot of activities, such as group discussion, many competitions etc. . This kind of process will encourage and mould the children to a great extent. For example, when a student engaged in group discussion, he can produce his idea as In contrast, negative effects are huge when we reduce the school hours. Now a days, almost all the parents are working and they have a working time from morning to evening. Most of the countries follow an early class between 7 to 1 pm. This timing will affect our parents and they went out from their office work to pick them. Secondly, the time for children to study various subjects is reduced due to this decreased school hours. The problem is more serious among senior students. Due to this reduced school hours, will affect the extracurricular activities band more concentrated only on their courses. This will affect the overall development of students. The only positive thing about reducing school hours is that every student gets an opportunity to earn some money by doing jobs in their free time. To conclude, school hours should need an appropriate amount. However, the positives outweigh negatives. Therefore, if the school hours reduced, it is largely a negative development.
In recent years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
timing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. There are advantages and disadvantages associated with this shortening of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. I believe that it is
largely
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.

Children should spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, educational institutions not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase their knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop their
overall
personality. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
activities, such as group discussion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
competitions etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
This kind of process will encourage and
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
the children to a great extent.
For example
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
engaged in group discussion, he can produce his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
as


In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects are huge when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
, almost all the parents are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they have a working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from morning to evening. Most of the countries follow an early
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 7 and 1".
between 7 to 1
pm. This timing will affect our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they went out from their office work to pick them.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for children to study various subjects is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to this decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. The problem is more serious among senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Due to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, will affect the extracurricular activities band more concentrated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on their courses. This will affect the
overall
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing about reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
an opportunity to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money by doing jobs in their free time.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
should need an appropriate amount.
However
, the positives outweigh negatives.
Therefore
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, it is
largely
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some developed countries have reduced the number of school hours. Is this a positive or negative development v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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