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In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decides to do this v.4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decides to do this v. 4
In some nations youths are inspired to take up employment or explore the world before enrolling in the university after graduating from high school. Young adults can acquire experience from traveling, but there are also drawbacks that should be taken into account. One of the benefits of youngsters travelling after completing their high school education is that they will gain valuable experience. In other words, they will obtain knowledge that will assist them when enter the university. Juliet, the daughter of my neighbour is a good example. She was opportune to travel to France after her high school, where she learnt the history and culture of the French people. Upon entering the university to study Linguistics, she was ahead of her colleagues because she has had a fore knowledge about France. Therefore encouraging youngsters to journey before starting higher learning is beneficial. On the other hand, there are negative aspects to consider. Firstly, youths might decide not to further their education because they believe it is no longer important. Meaning young adults may not have the zeal to study again as they have seen the world so nothing is new to them anymore. Secondly, youngsters may consider higher institution a waste of time because they can start making money with the exposure they have had. For example, my cousin, who did a one year internship with google, has refused to go back to school because he claims he knows everything there is to know in information technology. In conclusion, viewing higher education as not important and a waste of time are some of the negative aspects of allowing young adults tour before entering higher institution. However, the positive aspects are also essential to note.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations youths
are inspired
to take up employment or explore the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
enrolling in the university after graduating from high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Young adults can acquire experience from traveling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
also
drawbacks that should
be taken
into account.

One of the benefits of youngsters travelling after completing their high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education is that they will gain valuable experience.
In other words
, they will obtain knowledge that will assist them when enter the university. Juliet, the daughter of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. She was opportune to travel to France after her high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, where she
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the history and culture of the French
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Upon entering the university to study Linguistics, she was ahead of her colleagues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she has had a fore knowledge about France.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
encouraging youngsters to journey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting higher learning is beneficial.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects to consider.
Firstly
, youths might decide not to
further
their education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe it is no longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Meaning young adults may not have the zeal to study again as they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
nothing is new to them anymore.
Secondly
, youngsters may consider higher institution a waste of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making money with the exposure they have had.
For example
, my cousin, who did a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "one-year"
one year
internship with google, has refused to go back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he claims he knows everything there is to know in information technology.

In conclusion
, viewing higher education as not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and a waste of time are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of allowing young adults tour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering higher institution.
However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects are
also
essential to note.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decides to do this v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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