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Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v.2

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 2
The leisure activities differ from a person to person. However, some believe that reading and solving word puzzles are more beneficial to the development of the mind during the leisure time while others are in the opinion that, resting the mind is more suitable in these times. To begin with, reading and word puzzles are considered as sources of knowledge, which provide a chance to improve yourself. Moreover, such activities are useful in our day to day life. For example, doing a word puzzle would increase our vocabulary which will result in workplace promotions and also good results in a particular exam. On the other hand, the books contain details of many fields such as art, science, medicine and much more. Hence, it offers us a valuable opportunity to get ourselves educated in whatever sector we prefer. Evidently, investing our leisure time in such tasks has numerous advantages. And this will open many doors for the our future development. However, sometimes our mind needs some alone time in order to organize itself. As every body part of ours the mind also gets fed up from continuous work. Therefore, a certain amount of time for rest is essential otherwise it would not provide the same efficiency. For instance, if a person uses his or her mind without a rest, then his / her working capability will be reduced significantly. This is because humans are not designed to work like robots, we need a proper rest every now and then. Thus, giving mind some alone time would not such a bad idea. In conclusion, to be more productive and improve our mental capabilities, activities such as reading and doing word puzzles are crucial. Nevertheless, a person should also allocate some amount of time to rest its mind. Hence, I believe a particular person must manage its leisure time in a way it includes both of these.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
activities differ from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that reading and solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
puzzles
are more beneficial to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while others are in the opinion that, resting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
is more suitable in these times.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, reading and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
puzzles
are considered
as sources of knowledge, which provide a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
yourself.
Moreover
, such activities are useful in our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
For example
, doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
puzzle
would increase our vocabulary which will result in workplace promotions and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results in a particular exam.
On the other hand
, the books contain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields such as art, science, medicine and much more.
Hence
, it offers us a valuable opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ourselves educated in whatever sector we prefer.
Evidently
, investing our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in such tasks has numerous advantages. And this will open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doors for
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "our future" or "the future"?
the our future
development.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to organize itself.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
every body part of ours the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
fed up from continuous work.
Therefore
, a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
is essential
otherwise
it would not provide the same efficiency.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
, then his / her working capability will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
humans are not designed to work like robots, we need a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then.
Thus
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would not such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In conclusion
, to be more productive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our mental capabilities, activities such as reading and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
puzzles
are crucial.
Nevertheless
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should
also
allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rest
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
Hence
, I believe a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
manage its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a way it includes both of these.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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