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Better driver education for better driving habits is more effective than heavier punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Better driver education for better driving habits is more effective than heavier punishments for driving offences. v. 1
I would agree the statement that high-quality education for better driving is more beneficial than imposing penalty for breaking the traffic rules. Since people get driving license easily, they do not know much about the traffic protocols. They are not taught about safe driving before authorizing the license. Some people are not rich to pay fines for breaking some rules. So it is required to have a better education for that. Firstly, in some countries, a driving license is assigned to the user without knowing the knowledge of the user. If someone who might be having a lack of knowledge about the traffic rules, he could break the red light on the road or he could accidentally perform an accident. Sometimes, some people do not wear helmet while riding a bike. All these happen due to lack of education among the people. Secondly, sometimes people are fined a heavy money that they cannot afford to pay it. Since they are already very poor and they have to take care of their family from their limited amount of salary, it is not possible for them to pay a tremendous amount of money to the traffic police. It has been observed that in some countries, where people get training to, how to follow the traffic rules on the road, there accident cases and penalty cases are very less. In conclusion, I would always be in support of, educating people before giving driving license to them because it will help in reduction of accidents and will stop people from breaking any traffic laws.
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the statement that high-quality education for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
is more beneficial than imposing penalty for breaking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
license
easily
, they do not know much about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
protocols. They are not taught about safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
authorizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
license
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not rich to pay fines for breaking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
is required
to have a better education for that.

Firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
license
is assigned
to the user without knowing the knowledge of the user. If someone who might be having a lack of knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, he could break the red light on the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
road or
he could
accidentally
perform an accident.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not wear helmet while riding a bike. All these happen due to lack of education among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fined
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "heavy money".
a heavy money
that they cannot afford to pay it. Since they are already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poor and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of their family from their limited amount of salary, it is not possible for them to pay a tremendous amount of money to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
police. It has
been observed
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
training to, how to follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on the road, there accident cases and penalty cases are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less.

In conclusion
, I would always be in support of, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
license
to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reduction of accidents and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from breaking any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
laws.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Better driver education for better driving habits is more effective than heavier punishments for driving offences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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