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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v.4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v. 4
In this contemporary epoch, the population is burgeoning exponentially. The youngster proportion of the populace is comparatively larger than the older. In my perspective, the drawbacks of this status quo seem to be exiguous as compared to its benefits. This essay intends to elucidate the pros, such as better employment and the cons like less efficiency of workers with supporting examples. To begin with, there are quite a few worthwhile advantages of having a large figure of young people. Primarily, it is helpful in the betterment of the nation as there will be more people to join forces and parliament. The young people can make changes according to their new mindset. Improvement in the communication medium, as an example. Moreover, the natives can trust such a person because they are of his age. Another major benefit is that there are not any vacant jobs, due to the enormous number of job applicants. To be precise, in such countries the jobs have many native candidates for interview and they choose the most appropriate individual for the job. To quote an instance, according to the survey performed in 2018, there were 100 thousand applications registered for 1000 vacant government jobs. Moreover, choosing inhabitants to work is much cheaper and convenient than appointing a foreigner. While there are many pros of having the mammoth count of young adults, there are some cons too. In the first place, the youngsters are pioneers and they don't pose adequate knowledge regarding the field like old aged people. For example, if somone in his thirties can do some work in 2 hours, then it might take only an hour from another person who is 10 years older than him. In conclusion, although there are some disadvantages of having more youngsters like lack of experience, yet its advantages such as the betterment of the nation and improvement in job conditions outweigh its drawbacks.
In this contemporary epoch, the population is burgeoning
exponentially
. The youngster proportion of the populace is
comparatively
larger than the older. In my perspective, the drawbacks of this status quo seem to be exiguous as compared to its benefits. This essay intends to elucidate the pros, such as better employment and the cons like less efficiency of workers with supporting examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are quite a few worthwhile advantages of having a large figure of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Primarily
, it is helpful in the betterment of the nation as there will be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
forces and parliament. The young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
according to their new mindset. Improvement in the communication medium, as an example.
Moreover
, the natives can trust such a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are of his age.

Another major benefit is that there are not any vacant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, due to the enormous number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applicants. To be precise, in such countries the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
native candidates for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
interview and
they choose the most appropriate individual for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To quote an instance, according to the survey performed in 2018, there were 100 thousand applications registered for 1000 vacant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Moreover
, choosing inhabitants to work is much cheaper and convenient than appointing a foreigner.

While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros of having the mammoth count of young adults, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons too. In the
first
place, the youngsters are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pioneers and
they don't pose adequate knowledge regarding the field like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
somone
in his thirties can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work in 2 hours, then it might take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an hour from another person who is 10 years older than him.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of having more youngsters like lack of experience,
yet
its advantages such as the betterment of the nation and improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
conditions outweigh its drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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