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Some people think that it is good to start to work at an early age. Others feel that it is better only to study. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that it is good to start to work at an early age. Others feel that it is better only to study. v. 2
It is unacceptable that nowadays, people are starting work an early age in this competition world. However, others think that can do work an early age and support themselves for financial wise as well as to get a good exposure. I am the opinion that this matter should be debated in the light of several factors before any conclusion can be drawn. Firstly, we have a plethora of options to learn it in early age in order to make it our education should be very strong to settle our life in future. Secondly, Many countries populations are very high and people are not getting government jobs due to that Private companies are looking for a high profile curriculum vitae, good knowledge in education system and understanding of analytical skills and reasoning skills so people have to study lot their an early age to make it them as a high profile. For instance, In India, it is very difficult to get the state and central government jobs and every year there 1 million students are coming out from the colleges and looking for a job either government or private. On the other hand, there are million people under below poverty and very formidable to survey their life in order to that they can not invest more money to study in long life. Also, some of them they are looking for a pocket money during their educational period of time to manage themselves. Some of them are doing part time job an premature of time as well as studies to handle both at same time. To summarise this, Government has to take an responsibility to identify the below poverty people and provide then free education to lift up their life. Also, people has to study in depth to grow themselves to achieve their life.
It is unacceptable that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are starting work an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in this competition world.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that can do work an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and support themselves for financial wise
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exposure. I am the opinion that this matter should
be debated
in the light of several factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

Firstly
, we have a plethora of options to learn it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it our education should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong to settle our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
countries populations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
due to that Private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking for a high profile curriculum vitae,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge in education system and understanding of analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and reasoning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
lot their an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it them as a high profile.
For instance
, In India, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the state and central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and every year there 1 million students are coming out from the colleges and looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or private.

On the other hand
, there are
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under below poverty and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
formidable to survey their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in order to that they can not invest more money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them they are looking for
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "pocket money".
a pocket money
during their educational period of time to manage themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are doing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The phrase 'an premature of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an premature of
time
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
to handle both at same time.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
responsibility to identify the below poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and provide then free education to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in depth to grow themselves to achieve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is good to start to work at an early age. Others feel that it is better only to study. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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