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Some people think that it is good for a country’s culture to broadcast foreign films and TV show. Others, however think it is best to produce local films and shows. Discuss both views and give your opinions. v.1

Some people think that it is good for a country’s culture to broadcast foreign films and TV show. Others, however think it is best to produce local films and shows. v. 1
Some would argue that earning a university degree is the best possible way to get employed, however, others believe that hands-on experience and acquiring soft skills is vital. In my opinion, I considered that tertiary education ensures a successful career which expands over time. On the one hand, some individuals believe that higher education is crucial for a successful career and I agree. In other words, many employers prefer the candidates who have the required qualifications, such individuals have essential knowledge regarding their job duties and are proficient in their respective fields. Also, university education guarantees a bright career owing to the opportunities of promotion due to the necessary academic distinctions one possess, in the long run. For instance, Facebook, CNN and a plethora of top-notch organisations recruit individuals who have degrees from universities. Thus, to secure a position, one must have mandatory education from a renowned university. On the other hand, some people are inclined to believe that practical knowledge is imperative to get hired. They think that instead of studying for multiple years in universities, which cost an arm and leg in many countries, therefore, individuals ought to get practical training and develop skills in various fields. Consequently, they can get a job offer from many companies quickly owing to employers are perpetually looking for experienced candidates, and they do not require training which is also expensive for many employers. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I consider that graduating from universities is an effective way to look for opportunities in the market as an employer's requirement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that earning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree is the best possible way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed,
however
, others believe that hands-on experience and acquiring soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is vital. In my opinion, I considered that tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
ensures a successful career which expands over time.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
believe that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is crucial for a successful career and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers prefer the candidates who have the required qualifications, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have essential knowledge regarding their job duties and are proficient in their respective fields.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
guarantees a bright career owing to the opportunities of promotion due to the necessary academic distinctions one possess, in the long run.
For instance
, Facebook, CNN and a plethora of top-notch
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who have degrees from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Thus
, to secure a position, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from a renowned university.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
to believe that practical knowledge is imperative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hired. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
instead
of studying for multiple years in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, which cost an arm and leg in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
practical training and develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in various fields.
Consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job offer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
quickly
owing to employers are
perpetually
looking for experienced candidates, and they do not require training which is
also
expensive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion, I consider that graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
is an effective way to look for opportunities in the market as an employer's requirement.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is good for a country’s culture to broadcast foreign films and TV show. Others, however think it is best to produce local films and shows. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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