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Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electrocians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electrocians and plumbers. v. 2
It is true that the expectation of life in industrialized nations has significantly increased over the last hundred years. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, steps can be taken to tackle the problem. One of the major challenges caused by the growing population of economically inactive citizens is that it puts a heavy burden on healthcare systems. As people age, older people are more likely to experience several conditions at the same time such as hearing loss, diabetes, back and neck pain, etc. As a result, the government might have to devote a large amount of money on providing health services for senior citizens. Another problem facing a country with higher life expectancy is that it raises the financial burden for people of working age. Since the decline in the proportion of economically active citizens, working-aged people have to pay a greater income tax to support the elderly. There are some measures that the government could put forward to mitigate this situation. The first solution is all those involved in the healthcare and social care systems must be reformed and continuously learned. Another measure would be to increase the retirement age that would lessen the burden on the retirement funds and trouble the economy of a nation. Finally, it is necessary to encourage the immigration of young working adults, which could help increase tax revenues for the government. In conclusion, the growth of the aging society leads to several problems and the measures that I mentioned above should be considered to cope with the worsening problems caused by the fast-growing older population.
It is true that the expectation of life in industrialized nations has
significantly
increased over the last hundred years. Although there will
undoubtedly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this trend, steps can
be taken
to tackle the problem.

One of the major challenges caused by the growing population of
economically
inactive citizens is that it puts a heavy burden on healthcare systems. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
age, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to experience several conditions at the same time such as hearing loss, diabetes, back and neck pain, etc.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
devote a large amount of money on providing health services for senior citizens. Another problem facing a country with higher life expectancy is that it raises the financial burden for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of working age. Since the decline in the proportion of
economically
active citizens, working-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a greater income tax to support the elderly.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could put forward to mitigate this situation. The
first
solution is all those involved in the healthcare and social care systems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reformed
and
continuously
learned. Another measure would be to increase the retirement age that would lessen the burden on the retirement funds and trouble the economy of a nation.
Finally
, it is necessary to encourage the immigration of young working adults, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase tax revenues for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
, the growth of the aging society leads to several problems and the measures that I mentioned above should
be considered
to cope with the worsening problems caused by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing older population.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is lack of qualified workers such as electrocians and plumbers. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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