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Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the filed, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the filed, as long as they are playing well. v. 1
Sport is said to be one of the most important educational activities in order to teach how to behave in our lives and in our society in general. It teaches how to be competitive and it helps to grow up children and teenagers in order to become young and adult people able to practice sports both as a passion or a professional job. It also trains how to control emotions, mental and physical dimensions of the individuals. If we talk about single sports, we can observe the level of this kind of control in a sportive during a show or an olympiad, or a competition. Therefore in a team sport, sometimes this control is more difficult, mainly during a severe competition. We talk for example about the fair play that is so spread, particularly in team sports, for example football. During important competitions, when the winners so involving, we could assist to some footballers misbehaviours due to both the anxious or the nervous attitude of someone. When people observe what happens, get in some bad and nervous cries and behaviours and the example of sportsmen or sportswomen is very negative. So I can't agree that even if sportive can play well, they have to maintain a right Fairplay and the best control they could. I should remember that when people watch their attitudes and behaviour, they judge and take as a model their own sportive idol. In conclusion. I believe that playing well is also so important as long as they have a fine and professional behaviour.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
is said
to be one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
educational activities in order to teach how to behave in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and in our society
in general
. It teaches how to be competitive and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to grow up children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in order to become young and adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
able to practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
both as a passion or a professional job. It
also
trains how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
emotions, mental and physical dimensions of the individuals. If we talk about single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, we can observe the level of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
in a sportive during a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
or an
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympiad
, or a competition.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
in a team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
is more difficult,
mainly
during a severe competition. We talk
for example
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
play
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
spread,
particularly
in team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
for example
football. During
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
competitions, when the winners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
involving, we could assist to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
footballers
Possible spelling mistake found.
misbehaviours
due to both the anxious or the nervous attitude of someone. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
observe what happens,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and nervous cries and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and the example of sportsmen or sportswomen is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that even if sportive can play well, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain a right
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fairplay
and the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
they could. I should remember that when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their attitudes and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they judge and take as a model their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sportive idol.
In conclusion
. I believe that playing well is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as long as they have a fine and professional
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the filed, as long as they are playing well. v. 1

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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