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Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.4

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 4
It is often argued that misbehaviour of sportspeople is acceptable when they are playing well, in their particular sports. Some people are in favour of this statement, while others have a different opinion. I completely disagree with this type of unethical behavior by sportsperson. Firstly, this issue becomes very controversial about a sportsman's behavior on the ground as well as will affect their public popularity. Due to their name and fame that they attain as a nightmare they become more arrogant and express aggression in an unethical way on the ground. This causes detrimental effects on spectators as well as their fans. For instance, in 2006 football match, after being insulted by Italian athlete Marco during the game French player delivered a serious headbutt to his chest. Thus, this hostile aggression leads to violence and is beyond the scope of the game. Secondly, behavior of players might affect their personal and professional life. They may lose their brand image and career. In addition, many sports people are brand ambassador of renowned companies. If they behave unethical in public or during match than that can also lose their credentials or ambassadorship. For example, two Indian cricketer made controversial comments on the reality show. Due to this, they lost their position in team and financial advertising contracts. Hence, this type of behavior affects an athlete's career and image. In conclusion, I disagree with this statement about top players can do whatever, as they are public figures that may influence youth behavior who shall blindly follow them. Sports person strives hard and attain a position where one such incident may tarnish their image completely.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
of sportspeople is acceptable when they are playing well, in their particular sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this statement, while others have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinion. I completely disagree with this type of unethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
by sportsperson.

Firstly
, this issue becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial about a sportsman's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
on the ground
as well
as will affect their public popularity. Due to their name and fame that they attain as a nightmare they become more arrogant and express aggression
Consider replacing "in an unethical way" with the adverb for "unethical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unethical way
on the ground. This causes detrimental effects on spectators
as well
as their fans.
For instance
, in 2006 football match, after
being insulted
by Italian athlete Marco during the game French player delivered a serious headbutt to his chest.
Thus
, this hostile aggression leads to violence and is beyond the scope of the game.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
of players might affect their personal and professional life. They may lose their brand image and career.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are brand ambassador of renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. If they behave unethical in public or during match than that can
also
lose their credentials or ambassadorship.
For example
, two Indian
Possible agreement error. The noun 'cricketer' seems to be countable, so consider using: "cricketers".
cricketer
made controversial comments on the reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
. Due to this, they lost their position in team and financial advertising contracts.
Hence
, this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
affects an athlete's career and image.

In conclusion
, I disagree with this statement about top players can do whatever, as they are public figures that may influence youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
who shall
blindly
follow them. Sports person strives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and attain a position where one such incident may tarnish their image completely.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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