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Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.5

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion? v. 5
In balancing the world economic growth, the underdevelopment of the Third World Nations has been drawn to the attention of the developed countries of the West. Thus, governmental policies and interference in the agricultural business of the poorer nations were made to secure their dominant source of the economy. Many discussions among economists and politicians also put their focus on the other aspects. That is, to improve the health, education and trade for the developing countries. However, the improvements cannot be made by these countries, but more external assistance and aids should be done. Because of the shortage of food supply, the people in poorer nations (i. e. Africa) are easily prone to disease, hunger and death. When natural or environmental disasters happen, they are threatened with their lives. Education cannot be well developed as a result of frequent droughts, famines and disease spreading. The other countries, while emphasising on the development of agriculture in the Third World, cannot really give the solution to the cyclical problem which has been existing for a long time. It is time to consider the consequences of all the waste of efforts in trying to help the economic growth of the Third World and to think from the other perspectives. The richer countries have the power to rebuild the Third World by taking care the essentials - health, education and trade. More aids in providing the medicine, education needs and materials can be done by the richer countries. The assistance of trade and developing business in the poorer countries also can be of a great help to the poorer nations. If the rich countries can be more serious about the essential issues of how a nation develops, and will consider the special situations and circumstances those poorer nations are facing, the improvements will be more efficiently made. The governments of developing countries are, in some ways, responsible - though not obliged - for the future of those developing countries.
In balancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
economic growth, the underdevelopment of the Third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
has
been drawn
to the attention of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the West.
Thus
, governmental policies and interference in the agricultural business of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
were made
to secure their dominant source of the economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
discussions among economists and politicians
also
put their focus on the other aspects.
That is
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and trade for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, the improvements cannot
be made
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more external assistance and aids should
be done
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the shortage of food supply, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
(
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Africa) are
easily
prone to disease, hunger and death. When natural or environmental disasters happen, they
are threatened
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
cannot be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
as a result
of frequent droughts, famines and disease spreading. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, while
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasising' is British English.
emphasising
on the development of agriculture in the Third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
, cannot
really
give the solution to the cyclical problem which has been existing for a long time. It is time to consider the consequences of all the waste of efforts in trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the economic growth of the Third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
from the other perspectives. The richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have the power to rebuild the Third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
by taking care the essentials
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
health,
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education
and trade. More aids in providing the medicine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
needs and materials can
be done
by the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The assistance of trade and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
business in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
also
can be of a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
nations.

If the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can be more serious about the essential issues of how a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
develops, and will consider the special situations and circumstances those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are facing, the improvements will be more
efficiently
made. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, responsible
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
though not obliged
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
for the future of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion? v. 5

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
325 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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