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Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 2
Some are of the view that it is totally justified for athletes to behave wrongly while being on the ground or on personal matters till the time they deliver a great performance. I completely disagree with this point of view as this could potentially hamper their overall persona and have an adverse effect on their relations. The cogent reason why every sportsperson should not misbehave at all is because it would lead to damage their relationship with surrounded people. Even though sportsperson’s performance is vital for the country and team - which they represent - their personal relations such as friends, spouse and siblings are only attached to them to due to their behaviors and actions. Therefore, a self-misconduct could lead to severe consequences as break-ups, loneliness and even divorce in some cases. For example, one of the famous football players was divorced by his wife because he used to behave rudely to her. Furthermore, behaving badly is very dangerous for their own image in the industry - which is independent of their performance. Whenever any player behaves rudely or inappropriately to any people or group such as co-players or media units, they are prone to disrupt their own reputation as a lot of people watch it through television or the internet and judge them. As a result of their actions, their viewer or follower stop respecting or following them. To exemplify, a cricket player who abused a player of the opposing team during the match in the year 2019 got trolled on social media and experienced a steep downfall in his follower. To conclude, In my opinion, even if the players showcase the best of their output, they must control their bad behavior as it would be detrimental for their relationships and can disrupt their image.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the view that it is
totally
justified for athletes to behave
wrongly
while being on the ground or on personal matters till the time they deliver a great performance. I completely disagree with this point of view as this could
potentially
hamper their
overall
persona and have an adverse effect on their relations.

The cogent reason why every sportsperson should not misbehave at all is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would lead to damage their relationship with surrounded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Even though
sportsperson’s performance is vital for the country and team
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
which they represent
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
their personal relations such as friends, spouse and siblings are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attached to them to due to their behaviors and actions.
Therefore
, a self-misconduct could lead to severe consequences as break-ups, loneliness and even divorce in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
For example
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
was divorced
by his wife
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to behave
rudely
to her.

Furthermore
, behaving
badly
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
image in the industry
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
which is independent of their performance. Whenever any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
behaves
rudely
or
inappropriately
to any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or group such as co-players or media units, they are prone to disrupt their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reputation as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it through television or the internet and judge them.
As a result
of their actions, their viewer or follower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
respecting or following them. To exemplify, a cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
who abused a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
of the opposing team during the match in the year 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
trolled on social media and experienced a steep downfall in his follower.

To conclude
, In my opinion, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
showcase the best of their output, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior as it would be detrimental for their relationships and can disrupt their image.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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