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Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.5

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 5
Some people hold a belief that it is acceptable for professional sports players to display wrongdoing on duty or outside the pitch, as long as their performances are solid. Personally, as a sports participant, I firmly disagree that sportsmen and sportswomen have the right to make use of their best performances to manifest inappropriate behaviours. In the following part of this essay, an obligation to follow socially moral norms as normal citizens, and the model images of those sports players strongly shaping spectators’ behaviours, especially teenagers are thoroughly discussed as the two reasons for my statement. Initially, based on fundamental moral norms in society, individuals have an obligation to behave appropriately. Professional sport players, therefore, have no reason to be approved of their misconduct but to act morally. For example, Adam Johnson, a former professional soccer player of Premier League, was accused of rape. Although he was at the peak of his career at that time, he was still imprisoned. This points out that no matter how flourish the career of a sportsman is, or how significant the position of a player is in the sports world, committing crimes or displaying immorality would cost court appearance and criticism. In addition, sports players who are professionally playing for some famous clubs are extremely influential in setting teenage behaviours, who account for the largest portion of fans. As those young spectaculars tend to label their sports idols as perfectionists thanks to their outstanding performances in the field, thereby imitating their private lives when being off the game. As a result, those immorality of the sportsmen or women might be deemed to be normal by those adolescents, which possibly leads to social decline due to degradation in young generation. For instance, a disrespectful act of Neymar, when he showed a middle finger to a competitor, was mimicked by some young children during a football game in Brazil. This caused a fight between members of the two teams, which is likely to result in hatred in their families, and acquaintances, negatively affecting the relationship of people in the region. To conclude, it is totally disapproved of the viewpoint that professional sports players are allowed to behave immorally on or off the field, even if they are producing high standard performances because of the obligation to follow basic moral norms in society as individuals, and the considerable influence on teenage followers who form the society afterwards.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold a belief that it is acceptable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to display wrongdoing on duty or outside the pitch, as long as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
are solid.
Personally
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
participant, I
firmly
disagree that sportsmen and sportswomen have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
to manifest inappropriate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. In the following part of this essay, an obligation to follow
socially
moral norms as normal citizens, and the model images of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
strongly
shaping spectators’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
thoroughly
discussed as the two reasons for my statement.

Initially
, based on fundamental moral norms in society, individuals have an obligation to behave
appropriately
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
,
therefore
, have no reason to
be approved
of their misconduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to act
morally
.
For example
, Adam Johnson, a former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
soccer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
of Premier League,
was accused
of rape. Although he was at the peak of his career at that time, he was
still
imprisoned. This points out that no matter how flourish the career of a sportsman is, or how significant the position of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
world, committing crimes or displaying immorality would cost court appearance and criticism.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
who are
professionally
playing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
clubs are
extremely
influential in setting teenage
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, who account for the largest portion of fans. As those young spectaculars tend to label their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
idols as perfectionists thanks to their outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
in the field, thereby imitating their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
when being off the game.
As a result
,
Did you mean "this immorality" or "those immoralities"?
those immorality
of the sportsmen or women might
be deemed
to be normal by those adolescents, which
possibly
leads to social decline due to degradation in young generation.
For instance
, a disrespectful act of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Neymar
, when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a middle finger to a competitor,
was mimicked
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young children during a football game in Brazil. This caused a fight between members of the two teams, which is likely to result in hatred in their families, and acquaintances,
negatively
affecting the relationship of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the region.

To conclude
, it is
totally
disapproved of the viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to behave
immorally
on or off the field, even if they are producing high standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the obligation to follow basic moral norms in society as individuals, and the considerable influence on teenage followers who form the society afterwards.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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