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Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.5

Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 5
Some people hold a belief that it is acceptable for professional sports players to display wrongdoing on duty or outside the pitch, as long as their performances are solid. Personally, as a sports participant, I firmly disagree that sportsmen and sportswomen have the right to make use of their best performances to manifest inappropriate behaviours. In the following part of this essay, an obligation to follow socially moral norms as normal citizens, and the model images of those sports players strongly shaping spectators’ behaviours, especially teenagers are thoroughly discussed as the two reasons for my statement. Initially, based on fundamental moral norms in society, individuals have an obligation to behave appropriately. Professional sport players, therefore, have no reason to be approved of their misconduct but to act morally. For example, Adam Johnson, a former professional soccer player of Premier League, was accused of rape. Although he was at the peak of his career at that time, he was still imprisoned. This points out that no matter how flourish the career of a sportsman is, or how significant the position of a player is in the sports world, committing crimes or displaying immorality would cost court appearance and criticism. In addition, sports players who are professionally playing for some famous clubs are extremely influential in setting teenage behaviours, who account for the largest portion of fans. As those young spectaculars tend to label their sports idols as perfectionists thanks to their outstanding performances in the field, thereby imitating their private lives when being off the game. As a result, those immorality of the sportsmen or women might be deemed to be normal by those adolescents, which possibly leads to social decline due to degradation in young generation. For instance, a disrespectful act of Neymar, when he showed a middle finger to a competitor, was mimicked by some young children during a football game in Brazil. This caused a fight between members of the two teams, which is likely to result in hatred in their families, and acquaintances, negatively affecting the relationship of people in the region. To conclude, it is totally disapproved of the viewpoint that professional sports players are allowed to behave immorally on or off the field, even if they are producing high standard performances because of the obligation to follow basic moral norms in society as individuals, and the considerable influence on teenage followers who form the society afterwards.
Some
people
hold a belief that it is acceptable for
professional
sports
players
to display wrongdoing on duty or outside the pitch, as long as their
performances
are solid.
Personally
, as a
sports
participant, I
firmly
disagree that sportsmen and sportswomen have the right to
make
use
of their best
performances
to manifest inappropriate
behaviours
. In the following part of this essay, an obligation to follow
socially
moral norms as normal citizens, and the model images of those
sports
players
strongly
shaping spectators’
behaviours
,
especially
teenagers
are
thoroughly
discussed as the two reasons for my statement.

Initially
, based on fundamental moral norms in society, individuals have an obligation to behave
appropriately
.
Professional
sport
players
,
therefore
, have no reason to
be approved
of their misconduct
but
to act
morally
.
For example
, Adam Johnson, a former
professional
soccer
player
of Premier League,
was accused
of rape. Although he was at the peak of his career at that time, he was
still
imprisoned. This points out that no matter how flourish the career of a sportsman is, or how significant the position of a
player
is in the
sports
world, committing crimes or displaying immorality would cost court appearance and criticism.

In addition
,
sports
players
who are
professionally
playing for
some
famous
clubs are
extremely
influential in setting teenage
behaviours
, who account for the largest portion of fans. As those young spectaculars tend to label their
sports
idols as perfectionists thanks to their outstanding
performances
in the field, thereby imitating their private
lives
when being off the game.
As a result
,
those immorality
of the sportsmen or women might
be deemed
to be normal by those adolescents, which
possibly
leads to social decline due to degradation in young generation.
For instance
, a disrespectful act of
Neymar
, when he
showed
a middle finger to a competitor,
was mimicked
by
some
young children during a football game in Brazil. This caused a fight between members of the two teams, which is likely to result in hatred in their families, and acquaintances,
negatively
affecting the relationship of
people
in the region.

To conclude
, it is
totally
disapproved of the viewpoint that
professional
sports
players
are
allowed
to behave
immorally
on or off the field, even if they are producing high standard
performances
because
of the obligation to follow basic moral norms in society as individuals, and the considerable influence on teenage followers who form the society afterwards.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is fine for professional sportsmen and sportswomen to misbehave on or off the field, as long as they are playing well. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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