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The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes of these changes and suggest ways to prepare people work work in the future. v.4

The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes of these changes and suggest ways to prepare people work work in the future. v. 4
The employment rate is changed significantly because of the working environments and the unchanged of works on a daily basis. This problem happens due to numerous factors and there are some solutions to solve this issue. This change happens because of the transformation in human demand. Let’s depend on the Maslow scale for this analysis. To illustrate, the demand of people will be divided into 3 main groups, namely basic, philosophy and self-esteem. The basic needs such as foods or safety can be handled if people have jobs. Then, the human demand will go up to the second scale- philosophy. In this stage, people require a bigger relationship or an opportunity to show their advantages which cannot be provided if people work for a company too long or have the same works each day. To be more clear, If an individual stays in an association for a long time, that person cannot widen his or her relationship since he or she knows specifically every colleague. Consequently, people will feel bored and want to change to another place or another job to seek for something new to experience. Moreover, this transformation also releases rely on the stressful as well as the unequal environment that people have suffered from during the working time. Take the income as an example, in some jobs, the employees cannot receive the money which is equal to what they had contributed before or some misunderstood between colleagues will make the working environment is more complicated. Hence, the staff turnover rate is not stable which will affect badly to a life of a company. Therefore, each cooperation should have some strategies to hold the employees. Firstly, instead of being a manager, this person should be a leader. To be more clear, the leader is a person who behave with the employees not as a subordinate but as a companion and a partner. By this I mean that, the leader should not only understand what their employees need, share anything with them, but also assist them to get through any difficulties. Consequently, this action will make the employee feel more respect and believe their company which can lengthen their stays. Moreover, the benefit provided for workers must be clearly and equally. For example, employees should receive insurances during the working time or receive the right salary for what they had done. Last but not least, any association must remember about the incentive factors which is the best method to boost the energy of the workers. For instance, the company can organize some trips with team-building program to not only connect all the members, but also help them to relax or any party, such as a year end party to celebrate, award for the achievement and help the worker to have more fun together. In Conclusion, getting through this problem means that the company is able to grow better.
The employment rate is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environments and
The phrase 'the unchanged of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the unchanged of
works on a daily basis. This problem happens due to numerous factors and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to solve this issue.

This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the transformation in human demand.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s depend on the Maslow scale for this analysis. To illustrate, the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be divided
into 3 main groups,
namely
basic, philosophy and self-esteem. The basic needs such as foods or safety can
be handled
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have jobs. Then, the human demand will go up to the second scale- philosophy. In this stage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require a bigger relationship or an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their advantages which cannot
be provided
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
too long or have the same works each day. To be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, If an individual stays in an association for a long time, that person cannot widen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
relationship since he or she knows
specifically
every colleague.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel bored and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to another place or another job to seek for something new to experience.
Moreover
, this transformation
also
releases rely on the stressful
as well
as the unequal environment that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have suffered from during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time. Take the income as an example, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
cannot receive the money which is equal to what they had contributed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
misunderstood between colleagues will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment is more complicated.
Hence
, the staff turnover rate is not stable which will affect
badly
to a life of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Therefore
, each cooperation should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies to hold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Firstly
,
instead
of being a manager, this person should be a leader. To be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, the leader is a person who behave with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
not as a subordinate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a companion and a partner. By this I mean that, the leader should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
understand what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
need, share anything with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
assist them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through any difficulties.
Consequently
, this action will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
feel more respect and believe their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which can lengthen their stays.
Moreover
, the benefit provided for workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
clearly
and
equally
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should receive insurances during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time or receive the right salary for what they had done. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, any association
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
remember about the incentive factors which is the best method to boost the energy of the workers.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
can organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trips with team-building program to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
connect all the members,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to relax or any party, such as a year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
party to celebrate, award for the achievement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the worker to have more fun together.

In Conclusion
, getting through this problem means that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is able to grow better.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes of these changes and suggest ways to prepare people work work in the future. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
479 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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