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In many countries, children are getting fatter and less fit day by day. Why is it so suggest solutions? v.2

In many countries, children are getting fatter and less fit day by day. Why is it so suggest solutions? v. 2
Obesity has become a major issue in different nations. Teenagers are becoming unfit. Some of the reasons and preventive measures that can be taken are mentioned in upcoming paragraph. To begin with, offsprings are becoming fatter, which is a sign of an unhealthy body. Firstly, they are not living a healthy lifestyle which means they are not doing any physical activity. Despite going out in the park and playing outdoor games such as cricket, football, etc. , they keep themselves indulged in gadgets. Secondly, over consumption of junk snack. Their parents are busy with their office work and after long working hours they are not in the condition to cook a meal so they prefer ordering meat from a restaurant which is not healthy and that diet does not provide proper nutrients. As every problem, come with a solution, like that, this can also be cured by following some of the measures. The school should make is compulsory of every student to do physical activity on a daily basis, such as sports, yoga, dance class etc. Moreover, parents should understand their responsibility by focusing on their child's health. They must give them the feed full of nutrition as in the growing age, it is essential for a better functioning of the body. To wrap it up, the reason behind the unhealthy body is the improper lifestyle. However, that can be improved by adding some physical activity and healthy meal in daily routine.
Obesity has become a major issue in
different
nations.
Teenagers
are becoming unfit.
Some of the
reasons and preventive measures that can
be taken
are mentioned
in upcoming paragraph.

To
begin
with,
offsprings
are becoming fatter, which is a
sign
of an unhealthy body.
Firstly
, they are not living a healthy lifestyle which means they are not doing any physical activity. Despite going out in the park and playing outdoor games such as cricket, football, etc.
,
they
keep
themselves indulged in gadgets.
Secondly
, over consumption of junk snack. Their parents are busy with their office work and after long working hours they are not in the condition to cook a meal
so
they prefer ordering meat from a restaurant which is not healthy and that diet does not provide proper nutrients.

As every problem,
come
with a solution, like that, this can
also
be cured
by following
some of the
measures. The school should
make
is compulsory of every student to do physical activity on a daily basis, such as sports, yoga, dance
class
etc.
Moreover
, parents should understand their responsibility by focusing on their child's health. They
must
give them the feed full of nutrition as in the growing age, it is essential for a better functioning of the body.

To wrap it up, the reason behind the unhealthy body is the improper lifestyle.
However
, that can be
improved
by adding
some
physical activity and healthy meal in daily routine.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are getting fatter and less fit day by day. Why is it so suggest solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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