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Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work? v.1

Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work? v. 1
These days, due to an increasing financial and economic pressure, some people believe that young children should start doing job in order to support themselves, while others disagree with this viewpoint as this could lead to poor academic performance and social problems. This essay will describe the benefits and pitfalls of child labor. Firstly, the belief that children should start doing paid work stems from the fact that the world is becoming competitive, hence it is essential for children to learn how to be independent in early life. They argue that by doing paid work children would learn the essential skill of financial management and an idea of how to spend money wisely. Another benefit is children will get the valuable experience of professional life, which will consequently increase their chances of getting a good job after completion of their studies. In addition, doing a job will significantly reduce the financial burden on the parents of children who could not afford to pay the tuition fees. Moreover, children will not only be able to cover the expenses of their education but could also lend a helping hand to their parents as well. However, there are many reasons to be skeptical here, despite some advantages, paid work could create many behavioral problems, which would not only be harmful to the future of young children but also affect society as well in a long run. The biggest disadvantage of having child labor would be its effect on the academic performance of children who should be focused on their studies. Moreover, some tentative benefits of getting a salary would provoke many youngsters to discontinue their studies despite the fact that without being qualified they would not be able to get a skilled job later in their life. Last but not least, young children are known for their impulsive nature, hence it is very likely that they could indulge in bad habits such as the use of drugs which will affect society as a whole. In conclusion, despite some tentative financial benefits, working at a young age could result in a poor academic performance as well as a rise in the use of drugs due to the surplus money.
These days, due to an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and economic pressure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to support themselves, while others disagree with this viewpoint as this could lead to poor academic performance and social problems. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and pitfalls of child labor.

Firstly
, the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
paid work stems from the fact that the world is becoming competitive,
hence
it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to be independent in early life. They argue that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
paid work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would learn the essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
management and an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of how to spend money
wisely
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the valuable experience of professional life, which will
consequently
increase their chances of getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after completion of their studies.
In addition
,
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doing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
burden on the parents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who could not afford to pay the tuition fees.
Moreover
,
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children
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be able to cover the expenses of their education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could
also
lend a helping hand to their parents
as well
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to be skeptical here, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, paid work could create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
behavioral problems, which would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be harmful to the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect society
as well
in a long run. The biggest disadvantage of having child labor would be its effect on the academic performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who should
be focused
on their studies.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tentative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of getting a salary would provoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters to discontinue their studies despite the fact that without
being qualified
they would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
later in their life. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are known
for their impulsive nature,
hence
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely that they could indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of drugs which will affect society as a whole.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tentative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, working at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age could result in a poor academic performance
as well
as a rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of drugs due to the surplus money.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that it is beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think that it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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