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Some people think that it is a moral obligation for developed countries to provide international aid to developing countries, while others worry that the aid might possibly be misused by the governments of the poor countries. What is your opinion? v.1

Some people think that it is a moral obligation for developed countries to provide international aid to developing countries, while others worry that the aid might possibly be misused by the governments of the poor countries. What is your opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, with different economic development growth, the gap between the rich countries and the poor countries are widening. However, whether the developed countries should make efforts to help the poor countries remains a controversial issue. Personally, I agree that wealthy nations should not only give aid but also make sure it gets used properly. Firstly, it is obvious that the aids of developed countries would improve the basic living standards of developing countries dramatically. In terms of healthcare, the rich countries send doctors to train the medical staff as well as provide free vaccination programmes. This may be a good solution to struggle dangerous diseases such as Ebola in African countries. These diseases have been eliminated completely and thousands of citizens have survived. In addition, education in the developing countries would be enhanced. By receiving financial aid from the developed countries, they have enough power to open new schools in remote areas. This leads to the increase in the literacy rate. Furthermore, educated people would contribute to the sustainable development of each country. That is not to say that the international aids could be dumped into the poor nations without any regulations. In fact, in some poor countries, corrupt officials have misused money from other countries to maintain their power. We have the United Nations and other organizations which could handle such matters. It seems fair that if money is given, there is some oversight. In conclusion, it seems to me that the rich countries has an obligation to help struggling nations and has a right to make sure that money is used with the good purpose.
Nowadays, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
economic development growth, the gap between the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are widening.
However
, whether the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
remains a controversial issue.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
.

Firstly
, it is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the basic living standards of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
dramatically
. In terms of healthcare, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
doctors to train the medical staff
as well
as provide free vaccination
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. This may be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution to struggle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases such as Ebola in African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. These diseases have
been eliminated
completely and thousands of citizens have survived.
In addition
, education in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would
be enhanced
. By receiving financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
from the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
power to open new schools in remote areas. This leads to the increase in the literacy rate.
Furthermore
, educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would contribute to the sustainable development of each country.

That is
not to say that the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
could
be dumped
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
without any regulations. In fact, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, corrupt officials have misused money from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to maintain their power. We have the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
and other organizations which could handle such matters. It seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
that if money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
oversight.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has an obligation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to struggle" or "struggle".
struggling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and has a right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
purpose.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is a moral obligation for developed countries to provide international aid to developing countries, while others worry that the aid might possibly be misused by the governments of the poor countries. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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