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Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world. v.1

Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world. v. 1
With the process of economic globalisation, many countries and regions have strengthened cooperation and liaison in the fields of industry, agriculture, trade and finance. In order to dedicate to the mutual development, many developed countries spare no effort to help the poor countries by means of technological, medical and financial aid, which, to my mind, is quite essential to the development of the world. Firstly, aids from developed countries optimise people's living standard and eradicate poverty in the poor countries. Due to the backwardness of science and technology, people in some undeveloped countries and regions such as Africa, Latin America and Asia suffer a great deal from poverty, hunger and the scarce of water. International aids from developed countries have improved their living environment and helped them with the development of agriculture, industry and economy. Secondly, international aids give good medical care and help promote hygienic condition in the poor countries. Malaria, cholera and smallpox were once severe threats to people's health. With the help of the World Health Organization and some developed countries, these diseases have been eliminated soon and the residents in the infected areas survived these deadly diseases, which would have devoured millions of lives without international aid. Finally, aids to the undeveloped countries, in turn, benefit the donators. Due to the limitation of natural and human resources, the production cost rises sharply in the developed countries. With a view to reducing cost, many countries transferred their assembly lines and production bases to the developing countries, which not only solves the problem of low rate of employment in the developing countries but also make full use of the local resources. Nevertheless, some countries are showing great concern about the mal-expense of their aid aroused by bureaucracy and corruption of some governments. Therefore, the governments should take effective measures to utilise international aids reasonably and prevent abuse. Only with the help of international aids, can our world develop more quickly and steadily.
With the process of economic
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and regions have strengthened cooperation and liaison in the fields of industry, agriculture, trade and finance. In order to dedicate to the mutual development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
spare no effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by means of technological, medical and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
, which, to my mind, is quite essential to the development of the world.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Possible spelling mistake. 'optimise' is British English.
optimise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's living standard and eradicate poverty in the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Due to the backwardness of science and technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and regions such as Africa, Latin America and Asia suffer a great deal from poverty, hunger and
The phrase 'the scarce of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the scarce of
water.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
their living environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them with the development of agriculture, industry and economy.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
medical care and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
promote hygienic condition in the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Malaria, cholera and smallpox were once severe threats to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the World Health Organization and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, these diseases have
been eliminated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and the residents in the infected areas survived these deadly diseases, which would have devoured millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
aid.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
to the undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, in turn, benefit the
Possible spelling mistake found.
donators
. Due to the limitation of natural and human resources, the production cost rises
sharply
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. With a view to reducing cost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
transferred their assembly lines and production bases to the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solves the problem of low rate of employment in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the local resources.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are showing great concern about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
mal-expense
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
aroused by bureaucracy and corruption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take effective measures to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
reasonably
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
abuse.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
, can our world develop more
quickly
and
steadily
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Many people think that countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while other argue that the aid money is misspent by the governments that receive it, so the international aid should not be given to the poor countries in the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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