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Some people think that introducing new technology can improve people’s quality of life in developing countries. However, others believe that free education should be offered. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some people think that introducing new technology can improve people’s quality of life in developing countries. However, others believe that free education should be offered. 2
In this era of urbanization, technology is acting like a blessing for the mankind. With the increase in the working class population the need of automation and information technology is also rising in one's day-to-day activities. Technology is now playing a very significant role in mankind's life and its regular upgradation is what they demand. Along with the technological expansion, the evolution of the humankind should also be kept in focus. It is believed that, the very first stage of an individual's progress, improvement starts from the school and making the learning free of cost will be a huge support in the progress of a home. My opinion on both the views can be seen in the below paragraphs. Although, there are many aspects like government, literacy system, tourism, literacy rate and population which contributes to the growth of the economy of a rustic but technological advancement is considered to be a major contributor. It supports as a backbone of other industries and any recline or decline of this commerce results in an enormous impact on other industries and overall growth of the economy. To illustrate, let me give an example of automobile category, as soon as we introduce a new feature in a car, the demand of the car rises. Therefore, in developing countries where all the industries are still at growing stage, utmost importance should be given to tech business as it acts as a key ingredient in the overall increase of the nation. On the other hand, one more trade which requires to be re-polished is the schooling business. Children are the future of a homey and their education and progress is the country's responsibility. For instance, if 40% offsprings do not go to the school because they cannot afford the fees, we will have 40% less work force to support the bucolic in future. Hence, if we want to make our agrarian a developed one, we need to make sure that each and every child in the provincial is going school and to make this possible, the scholarship should be made cost-free. To conclude, in my opinion, both technology and study sector plays an important role in a agrarian economics should be given weightage for the advancement of a bucolic.
In this era of urbanization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is acting like a blessing for the mankind. With the increase in the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
population the need of automation and information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
also
rising in one's day-to-day activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
playing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant role in mankind's life and its regular
Possible spelling mistake found.
upgradation
is what they demand. Along with the technological expansion, the evolution of the humankind should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in focus. It
is believed
that, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
stage of an individual's progress, improvement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from the school and making the learning free of cost will be a huge support in the progress of a home. My opinion on both the views can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the below paragraphs.

Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, literacy system, tourism, literacy rate and population which contributes to the growth of the economy of a rustic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
technological advancement
is considered
to be a major contributor. It supports as a backbone of other industries and any recline or decline of this commerce results in an enormous impact on other industries and
overall
growth of the economy. To illustrate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me give an example of automobile category, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as we introduce a new feature in a car, the demand of the car rises.
Therefore
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
where all the industries are
still
at growing stage, utmost importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to tech business as it acts as a key ingredient in the
overall
increase of the nation.

On the other hand
, one more trade which requires to be re-polished is the schooling business. Children are the future of a homey and their education and progress is the country's responsibility.
For instance
, if 40%
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
do not go to the school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford the fees, we will have 40% less work force to support the bucolic
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Hence
, if we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our agrarian a developed one, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that each and every child in the provincial is going school and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this possible, the scholarship should
be made
cost-free.

To conclude
, in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and study sector plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
agrarian economics should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
weightage for the advancement of a bucolic.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that introducing new technology can improve people’s quality of life in developing countries. However, others believe that free education should be offered. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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