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some people think that internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

some people think that internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. v. 2
There is no doubt that the fat children’s proportion is raising highly nowadays specially in developed nations. The question is, will it last if countries get rid of fast-food restaurants? Or it is due to parent behaviours? In this essay, I am going to divide my opinion and draw my own conclusion. In terms of causes, changing of perceptions is one of the prominent problems. The principal reason given to support this claim is that factor which producing incorrect formula of marketing. To illustrate, McDonalds is one of the leading examples which increased sufficiently overweight. Furthermore, providing people their orders at midnight. In other words, the more distributes the more nations eat, that causes ignites of overeating between each others. Subsequently, a massive lack of harmful habit in public. However, on the other hand, others complain that parenting remains the thing to accuse. In the first place, family of overweight kids impacts them on what they are teaching them. Put differently, they should get motivated whenever they completed a vast movement like eating healthy. Secondly, incentive them stop having overeaten as a habit, start to induce them with eating less. Also, trying to advise them how to cater their own needs by themselves could effect easily. For example, put a limited menu of one week to see the difference. In conclusion, although kids nowadays enjoy going to fast-food outlets more than eating homemade food. Therefore, I believe parenting is the most to blame. It is their personal responsibility to properly take care of their offspring's health.
There is no doubt that the
fat
children’s proportion is raising
highly
nowadays
specially
in developed nations. The question is, will it last if countries
get
rid of
fast
-food restaurants? Or it is due to parent
behaviours
?

In this essay, I am going to divide my opinion and draw my
own
conclusion.

In terms of causes, changing of perceptions is one of the prominent problems. The principal reason
given
to support this claim is that factor which producing incorrect formula of marketing.

To illustrate,
McDonalds
is one of the leading examples which increased
sufficiently
overweight.
Furthermore
, providing
people
their orders at midnight.

In
other
words, the more distributes the more nations eat, that causes ignites of overeating between each
others
.
Subsequently
, a massive lack of harmful habit in public.

However
, on the
other
hand, others complain that parenting remains the thing to accuse. In the
first
place, family of overweight kids impacts them on what they are teaching them. Put
differently
, they should
get
motivated whenever they completed a vast movement like eating healthy.

Secondly
, incentive them
stop
having overeaten as a habit,
start
to induce them with eating less.

Also
, trying to advise them how to cater their
own
needs by themselves could
effect
easily
.
For example
, put a limited menu of one week to
see
the difference.

In conclusion
, although kids nowadays enjoy going to
fast
-food outlets more than eating homemade food.
Therefore
, I believe parenting is the most to blame. It is their personal responsibility to
properly
take care of their offspring's health.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay some people think that internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. v. 2

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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