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Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. v. 1
Some would argue that health caregivers and teachers are playing a vital role in the development of a society and should be paid more than film stars and renowned athletes. I completely disagree with this opinion for several reasons explained in the following paragraphs. To begin with, film and sports celebrities go through arduous and rigorous efforts to earn their names and making themselves famous. Their success is the result of consistent hard work, dedication, devotion and getting out of their comfort zones. In other words, fame and reputation do not come to them overnight rather they spend multiple years on getting training from various coaches and academies. Undoubtedly, they start from scratch and reach to the heights of fame only through their commitment and never stopping endures. To illustrate, Tom Cruise, a Hollywood celebrity worked in multiple TV programs without getting paid and selected for a film as a protagonist after investing a decade of struggle int the entertainment industry. Therefore, these accomplished personages are few among the millions to become celebrities and deserve to be paid distinctly. Secondly, everybody can be a doctor, lawyer or a teacher if they get all the prerequisites for these professions in the names of degrees, certificates and essential experiences. However, becoming a celebrity requires an additional characteristic which is the being bestowed with natural talent. In other words, this distinction of natural blessing makes these personalities unique. For instance, many people go to school to get qualified but only a few of them become celebrities in a particular industry. In conclusion, success does not come overnight rather through endurance and therefore, those who achieve it and become the limelight ought to be paid lavishly.
Some
would argue that health caregivers and teachers are playing a vital role in the development of a society and should be
paid
more than film stars and renowned athletes. I completely disagree with this opinion for several reasons
explained
in the following paragraphs.

To
begin
with, film and sports
celebrities
go through arduous and rigorous efforts to earn their names and making themselves
famous
. Their success is the result of consistent
hard
work, dedication, devotion and getting out of their comfort zones.
In other words
, fame and reputation do not
come
to them overnight
rather
they spend multiple years on getting training from various coaches and academies.
Undoubtedly
, they
start
from scratch and reach to the heights of fame
only
through their commitment and never stopping endures. To illustrate, Tom Cruise, a Hollywood
celebrity
worked in multiple TV programs without getting
paid
and selected for a film as a protagonist after investing a decade of struggle int the entertainment industry.
Therefore
, these accomplished personages are few among the millions to become
celebrities
and deserve to be
paid
distinctly
.

Secondly
, everybody can be a doctor, lawyer or a teacher if they
get
all the prerequisites for these professions in the names of degrees, certificates and essential experiences.
However
, becoming a
celebrity
requires an additional characteristic which is the
being bestowed
with natural talent.
In other words
, this distinction of natural blessing
makes
these personalities unique.
For instance
,
many
people
go to school to
get
qualified
but
only
a few of them become
celebrities
in a particular industry.

In conclusion
, success does not
come
overnight
rather
through endurance and
therefore
, those who achieve it and become the limelight ought to be
paid
lavishly
.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebrities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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