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Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities become more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.10

Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities become more isolated. v. 10
It is undoubtedly true that the used of the internet is prevalent in today’s generation. While some people believe that the usage of the net makes the people’s relationships closer, others argue that it isolate the people and communities. It is agreed that the web makes it possible for the people to have a closer relationship. This essay will evaluate both arguments before a reasoned conclusion is drawn. On the one hand, for those who believe that the internet created a distant involvement of residents in the communities may think that the internet users have become excessively dependent on the computers. This may happen when they spent an enormous amount of time in the front of the computer playing online games or surfing the net. For instance, in the recent survey of the Central University of Queensland, most respondents who are usually students in their younger years, opted to stay regularly at their home using the computer rather than to actively participate in community activities. On the other hand, I support the argument that the net made people’s communication more effective which lead to closer family ties. This is because the internet, which is the information superhighway, opens the communication gateway successfully. The existence of various cyberspace platforms such as the facebook, the skype, and the twitter enable the people to keep track of their lost relatives or friends and send instant messages or emails immediately. For example, Boston University conducted research on the effectivity of the internet on the user’s relationships and found that 80% of them expressed that the communication definitely improved. This is clearly evident that the internet has positively affected the relationship of an individual user. In conclusion, although the uncontrolled access to the web might seriously hamper the involvement of people in their surroundings, I believe that the overall usage of the net made the possibility for every member of the society to have a closer interaction.
It is
undoubtedly
true that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
of the internet is prevalent in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the usage of the net
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
, others argue that it isolate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and communities. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the web
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. This essay will evaluate both arguments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a reasoned conclusion
is drawn
.

On the one hand, for those who believe that the internet created a distant involvement of residents in the communities may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the internet users have become
excessively
dependent on the computers. This may happen when they spent an enormous amount of time in the front of the computer playing online games or surfing the net.
For instance
, in the recent survey of the Central University of Queensland, most respondents who are
usually
students in their younger years, opted to stay
regularly
at their home using the computer
rather
than to
actively
participate in community activities.

On the other hand
, I support the argument that the net made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
communication more effective which lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
family ties. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the internet, which is the information superhighway, opens the communication gateway
successfully
. The existence of various cyberspace platforms such as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, the
"Skype" is a proper noun and needs to be capitalized.
skype
, and the twitter enable the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of their lost relatives or friends and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
instant messages or emails immediately.
For example
, Boston University conducted research on the effectivity of the internet on the user’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
and found that 80% of them expressed that the communication definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. This is
clearly
evident that the internet has
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
of an individual user.

In conclusion
, although the uncontrolled access to the web might
seriously
hamper the involvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their surroundings, I believe that the
overall
usage of the net made the possibility for every member of the society to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closer
interaction.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together, while others think that people and communities become more isolated. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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