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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v.8

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 8
People have argued about how human life is in the modern days. A group of people believe that human beings have become more independent these days, but others think that humans are more dependent on their kind. The following essay will discuss both opinions, but in my personal view, I believe that people have become more independent nowadays. Several people believe that mankind has become more dependent on each other these days. Due to the globalisation, the cost of living in many countries has increased significantly in the past recent years which enforce both husband and wife to work hard, to fulfil their family's expenditures. As a result, many families are relying on their parents or babysitters in taking care of their children. On the other hand, some people think that humans are more independent these days. Firstly, due to the rapid development of the medical world, the average life expectancy of the human being has positively improved. As the senior people are healthier these days, it means that they are less dependent on their sibling or their children. Secondly, with the existence of electronic household devices, such as washing and drying machine and microwave oven, mankind are less dependent on housekeepers. They could just easily place their dirty clothes in the washing machine or just place the frozen food in the oven, and it will be ready in an instant. In conclusion, many people think that human beings are more independent these days, but others disagree with the statement. In my point of view, mankind is less reliable to others nowadays, since the world has improved in many ways, such as in the medical field and in information technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have argued about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life is in the modern days. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings have become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on their kind. The following essay will discuss both opinions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my personal view, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
nowadays.

Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that mankind has become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
these days. Due to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, the cost of living in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries has increased
significantly
in the past recent years which enforce both husband and wife to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, to fulfil their family's expenditures.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families are relying on their parents or babysitters in taking care of their children.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
these days.
Firstly
, due to the rapid development of the medical world, the average life expectancy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being has
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. As the senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthier these days, it means that they are less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on their sibling or their children.
Secondly
, with the existence of electronic household devices, such as washing and drying machine and microwave oven, mankind are less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on housekeepers. They could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
easily
place their dirty clothes in the washing machine or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
place the frozen food in the oven, and it will be ready in an instant.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others disagree with the statement. In my point of view, mankind is less reliable to others nowadays, since the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, such as in the medical field and in information technology.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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