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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v.11

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 11
Some people believe that nowadays, people are more dependent on others for many things and some other people believe it is not and people are more independent in today’s modern world. Let's discuss both views. My personal view is people are independent and dependent according to the situation. In the modern world, people depend on each other for some matters. Firstly, as the lifestyle is very busy with works people have to depend on others, Parents have to depend on servants or daycare centres because parents have to take care of their kids and while they are working they cannot be independent. Secondly, we rely on others in situations such as preparing foods, car washing, repairing of equipment etc. Because we cannot arrange times to do those necessary works though we have the ability to do so, in a way we are more dependent on others. Thirdly, people still depend on public transport rather than using their own vehicles. However, from another point of view, as people are using their own vehicles rather than using public transport in many cases, we can infer that they are independent. Also, we are not dependent on others as we had been in the past in sending the mail through postmen's, we are just sending emails. Moreover, people in today’s world, doing many things using credit cards rather than depending on other people. Finally, people are not relying on others in the modern world on sports. Even though there are sports trainers, we are using equipment for physical training. To sum up, I believe our dependence and independence are always based on the situation & matters we get in today world. As an example, I also looking for help from my friends in educational things and sometimes I do not expecting help since I could surf the web. As people, we have to keep on this with a great balance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on others for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it is not and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss both views. My personal view is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
according to the situation.

In the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
matters.
Firstly
, as the lifestyle is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on others, Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on servants or daycare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of their kids and while they are working they cannot be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
.
Secondly
, we rely on others in situations such as preparing foods, car washing, repairing of equipment etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we cannot arrange times to do those necessary works though we have the ability to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in a way we are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on others.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
depend on public transport
rather
than using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles.

However
, from another point of view, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles
rather
than using public transport in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, we can infer that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
independent
.
Also
, we are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on others as we had been in the past in sending the mail through postmen's, we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sending emails.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things using credit cards
rather
than depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not relying on others in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
on sports.
Even though
there are sports trainers, we are using equipment for physical training.

To sum up, I believe our dependence and independence are always based on the situation & matters we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. As an example, I
also
looking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from my friends in educational things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "expect"?
expecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
since I could surf the web. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on this with a great balance.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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