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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v.10

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 10
In the modern society, many people believe that dependence is a new trend in their daily basis, others reject this notion, holding a totally opposite opinion. In this essay, I shall explain my point of view by analysing both sides of the argument. There are, however, a number of reasons connected with the reliance on each other in recent years. Firstly, since our jobs are becoming more complicated and specialised, teamwork and coordination among various departments group activity are more crucial than individual achievements. Admittedly, a successful management and leadership brings about various benefits, ranging from time-saving to cost-efficiency, therefore the ability to work in teams is a common requirement at the workplace. Secondly, men rely on technology. Apparently, since technology has influenced most human activities. As a consequence, people need to depend on specialist technicians in each area to sort out issues in their everyday life. On the other hand, many may argue that people are more independent for certain reasons. Perhaps the financial freedom could be the primary causes leading to this situation, especially by the young people. For instance, more and more young people choose to do part-time jobs during their studies. This gives them a great economical independent as they do not need to depend on their parents for their pocket money. Moreover, thanks to the great popularity of the internet, people can easily find solutions for their problems without any help. As discussed above, I am convinced that people have become more independent, in spite of their dependence on others in certain aspects.
In the modern society,
many
people
believe that dependence is a new trend in their daily basis, others reject this notion, holding a
totally
opposite opinion. In this essay, I shall
explain
my point of view by
analysing
both sides of the argument.

There are,
however
, a number of reasons connected with the reliance on each
other
in recent years.
Firstly
, since our jobs are becoming more complicated and
specialised
, teamwork and coordination among various departments group activity are more crucial than individual achievements.
Admittedly
, a successful management and leadership brings about various benefits, ranging from time-saving to cost-efficiency,
therefore
the ability to work in teams is a common requirement at the workplace.
Secondly
,
men
rely on technology.
Apparently
, since technology has influenced most human activities. As a consequence,
people
need to depend on specialist technicians in each area to sort out issues in their everyday life.

On the
other
hand,
many may
argue that
people
are more independent for certain reasons. Perhaps the financial freedom could be the primary causes leading to this situation,
especially
by the young
people
.
For instance
, more and more young
people
choose to do part-time jobs during their studies. This gives them a great economical independent as they do not need to depend on their parents for their pocket money.
Moreover
, thanks to the great popularity of the internet,
people
can
easily
find solutions for their problems without any
help
.

As discussed above, I
am convinced
that
people
have become more independent,
in spite of
their dependence on others in certain aspects.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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