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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v.12

Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 12
In the present era, one group of people thinks that dependence is important whereas, another group of people think the opposite. In this essay, I will discuss both the aspects with examples. On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why people are dependent on others. Firstly, in the work environment, people normally dependent on their coworkers as this will help them to deliver the results more quickly and more efficiently. Also, getting suggestions from others will help them to reduce the work pressure as well as it will ease their work. For example, in a marketing job, there are people who take care of sales, planning, customer relation etc. If they all work together as a team they can succeed in their jobs. On the other hand, in this present generation, people want to be more dependent. Some people think that the dependence on others will waste their time and delay the work. Also, becoming independent will increase confidence to face the difficult situation and it helps in enhancing decision-making skills. For example, nowadays, most parents send their children to study in boarding school/ away from home, to make them understand the outside environment. Parents think that this will make their children independent, which will help in building their self-confidence and make them successful in their career as well as in personal life. To sum up, by considering the above benefits, I personally believe that the dependence on other is beneficial in some cases, where our individual effort is not fulfilling the requirement. However, in cases where people want to prepare themselves to make important decisions of their own and learn something extra, it is better to be independent. All in all, the decision should be made based on the situation.
In the present era, one group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
that dependence is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
whereas, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the opposite. In this essay, I will discuss both the aspects with examples.

On the one hand, there are a number of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dependent on others.
Firstly
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
normally
dependent on their coworkers as this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to deliver the results more
quickly
and more
efficiently
.
Also
, getting suggestions from others will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure
as well
as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, in a marketing job, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who take care of sales, planning, customer relation etc.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together as a team they can succeed in their jobs.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in this present generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be more dependent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the dependence on others will waste their time and delay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Also
, becoming independent will increase confidence to face the difficult situation and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in enhancing decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, nowadays, most parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to study in boarding school/ away from home, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them understand the outside environment. Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their children independent, which will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in building their self-confidence and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them successful in their career
as well
as in personal life.

To sum up, by considering the above benefits, I
personally
believe that the dependence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, where our individual effort is not fulfilling the requirement.
However
, in cases where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to prepare themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and learn something extra, it is better to be independent. All in all, the decision should
be made
based on the situation.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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